04 September 2008

I can't help it, I am going to write.

My friend paul sent me this video he found. I'm going to post it here.

Just listen to the song mostly, I know it will make a home in your heart.

there is a video that goes with this, if it does not show up. please visit my myspace to watch it: www.myspace.com/yeshuakid

This video has provoked my soul in the deepest way possible, as if some one tore up the roots that have been my life. and made them new, planted new seeds so they can grow and produce life.

The quote in the song sings: "You have redeemed my soul from death".

For some reason it meant so much to me. Well, I know why. I've been struggling the past few days. Whenever days like this come along, I also start to compare my life and self to others.

I have been feeding myself a lie. I've been telling myself, that if could just get it together. not struggle with depression, or sadness or suicide (thought wise) than my life would be great. and I could understand life and love better.

I've come to realize just how much B.S. that is. And I heard someone once say that we never learn anything when life goes our way. What a profound statement, I mean its a pile driver to the human experience wether you like it or not.

In my life, I have found that Christ is most present. when my life is at its darkest, and when I'm the most weakest. And thats not to say that the presence of Gods love does not come in the bright moments.

Its more so that when we are feeling the weak, dirty, filthy and thrown to the side. Thats when we realize the true meaning of being redeemed.

A verse I've been saying over in my mind is Jeremiah 31:3:

the LORD appeared to him [a] from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued to extend faithful love to you."

Sometimes... On the days when life seems to pile up, and my soul is downcast. I sometimes think the only way out is the grave. I know this is NOT true, but I would be lying to myself and all of you if I said that suicide didn't poke its head up every so often.

But I want to draw you back to that line:

"And you have redeemed my soul from death".

Let me say again.. Suicide is never an option.

Life can get better. We don't have to live this way.

when you are aware of the depth and how vast the love of Christ is for you. your life will never be the same. i know it. I'm working on it, and I'm still learning to talk about it, but often don't because no offense to those who care... but I don't need a sermon, I just need you to listen and try and have empathy.

When we re-play that line, it becomes a tape playing in our minds. things change very slowly... very slowly.. but when it is said enough. you start to believe. and we can then look at our grave. close our eyes and walk away.

Because death, is not our master. Death and all its friends can take our mortal lives. but it cannot take our souls. this is the life i dream of life, the life i want. i want that life for you too.


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