18 February 2007

Start as I mean to go on

Well it's turned out to be a lovely sunny day which means that I am able to go for a walk, so I pulled on my trainers and my coat and off I went for a walk. I didn't know how far I would get but I wasn't too bothered it was nice and quite warm. I went off up the road which means it was slightly uphill and it was the first time I had been able to go for the long walks that I had started to do before the winter. I set off slowly although having said that can only go the stride of the frame which can be a little restricting at times. I kept stopping along the way to let the dog walks pass me by but also gave me a chance to re balance and before I knew it I had got to the top of the road which means I had walked from No 10 to 34 and then turned and walked back. I am on a mission now to get back to the distance I was doing before the winter and much further this year and also doing it everyday sp that my no chair days become more and more permanent.

The weekend here

The weekend here Well its Saturday the weather looks ok and I'm listening to the radio while typing this.

"I’ve been meaning to tell you
I’ve got this feelin that wont subside
I look at you and I fantasize
You are mine tonight
Now I’ve got you in my sights.

With these hungry eyes
One look at you and I cant disguise
I’ve got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I

I want to hold you so hear me out
I want to show you what loves all about
Darlin tonight
Now I’ve got you in my sights

With these hungry eyes
One look at you and I cant disguise
I’ve got hungry eyesI
feel the magic between you
And I’ve got hungry eyes
Now I’ve got you in my sights
With these hungry eyes
Now did I take you by surprise

I need you to see
This love was meant to be

I’ve got hungry eyes
One look at you and I cant disguise
I’ve got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you
And I’ve got hungry eyes
Now I’ve got you in my sights
With those hungry eyes
Did I take you by surprise

With my hungry eyes"

It is going to be a no chair day today again I have decided and have also decided that I am going to try and ditch my manual chair for getting too and from work as I have managed it now for two days so I'm starting as I mean to go on as much as I can at least. For the last two days I have sort of felt that I am achieving a more mobile independence and the amount of people that have stopped me since I have been walking at work and said well done your doing great. Nice to see you up and about

I came I went I succeeded

Well here is another first for the new year, earlier in my blog I talked about building myself up to be able to walk from my office to our Town Hall, which to a lot of people isn't that far away really but to me it is quite a distance. When I first tried it I only got half way but yesterday I was determined to get there and back. Off I went, ok it was a bit windy but that didn't bother me, got halfway with no problem, and then carried on and YES I had got there, then I stood for a few minutes and then turned and started back and I made it back no problem and it felt great. I now know that if we had a meeting in their I could make it walking if I wanted too, I had the choice now and that's what it's all about having choices, having the spontantious independence.

Caught on camera

I have now been walking with my frame for about 8 weeks and it's as if I have never walked with anything else I love being mobile and health wise I feel good also we have just had Christmas and I had a lovely time because I have my family around me and it's the first time in a long time that I haven't been in hospital and or waiting to go in. I feel that I am back in control at long last; it's as if my body is finally starting to wake back up. A few days before Christmas I rang my Physio, and talked to her at length about how I was feeling and to see if she had a possible explanation as to why I was feeling so good. I went on to explain that it felt like my Cerebral Palsy was slowly easing off kind of disappearing if you like.I know that there isn't a cure as yet for Cerebral Palsy but could it be that it's vastly improved? "I can see where you are coming from it might be that now you are walking in a more normal pattern it has possibly opened up new pathways so the messages are getting through better and the connections being made who knows just enjoy it "

While my family were with me I got them to video me walking on my frame so that I could see what I looked like and I was quite pleased to see how straight I was and how much more comfortable I looked walking: In fact I surprised myself it was a lot different from being in the gym and concentrating while looking in the mirror it was as if I was in the bars again and as you know I love being in the bars.I have always strived to be the best I can be and have dreamed about reaching my potential and I have let nothing stop me no matter what faced me in life I always found a solution and I always will but even more so now because I feel I can and I'm gaining the control back that I need, ok I have never really lost the control, but its not always been total control I mean I have hit rough ground at times and still do to a point now, and have hit many pot holes so to speak but hopeful as I strive for the best future I can. I can and will over come the many difficulties that may come my way.I'm just looking forward to a great new year who knows what 2007 will hold for me but I can't wait!!!!!!

Well as I'm writing today its New Years Eve Mum's 60th birthday so firstly Happy Birthday Mum!!!!! I woke this morning and thought well if the weathers right I'm going to go for a walk but its not nice at the moment maybe might improve later. As I'm writing I'm sat in my wheelchair and I am doing a few exercises with my ankle weights I have not used them for a while but now I feel that I can use them now. I tried them for the first time last night and it felt ok although I didn't use them for long because I thought I might have pain in the morning but I'm fine, so I'm carrying on with them. Yesterday I also achieved something new I managed to put my jumper on but the difference being is I have always sat down when getting dressed, but this time I was able to stand on my own and put it on and best of all I stood unaided to do it thought I would wobble but I was fine

Things seemed to go from strength from that day

I started to go up in my lift on my frame rather than using my wheelchair, its surprising how much more space I have and I feel more in control walking to and from my bed and the more I did it the stronger I felt and still feel over the days that followed I started to feel the floor more when standing and I started to stand for longer but also to my joy I started to balance without holding my frame ok when I first tried it I wobbled a bit but I work and worked at it and yes you guessed it I had cracked it and there I was standing by myself briefly at first, but I slowly built this up and now I can stand for quite a while and its great.

Many things in my life were standing to become easier by the day and the next thing that I had managed to do was to put my socks and shoes on.This has always been a problem to me because of my leg being straight now and my back also but its something that I knew wouldn't beat me, it was just a case of working out a way of doing it. As I remember it was the weekend and I was sitting in my chair wondering how to tackle it, I went into the bathroom to get my helping hand, which I use to help me get dressed and then griped my sock with it and slowly got my toes in but at first I hadn't quite got it so tried again and this time yes I had got the elastic bit of the sock of my toes phew!!!!!

That was hard work then I released the grip on the sock and this time griped the bit of the elastic and pulled slowly but surely I was pulling the sock on bit by bit then hoorah I had pulled it on then tried the other one doing exactly the same. 15 minutes had gone by but I had done it I had my socks on and I had done it on my own for the first time since my leg was fused. Okay it was 15 minutes but what's 15 minutes when I had achieved it!!!!

Then my next task was to get my trainers on I used the same principal using my hand help griping the shoe and pushing it on as far as I could and then pushing my foot down into it and yes you guessed it I had got my shoes on ok they weren't fastened but that didn't bother me I was free to go out now knowing that I hadn't had to rely someone to put them on for me. Now there was no stopping me nothing seemed to be a problem anymore because everything I tried I had achieved the same as when I was young everything I wanted to do I did, ok might of took a little longer to do it but I achieved it no matter what. Once I achieved my socks and shoes I used to think I wonder what's next, it used to worry me a little because I was never sure what my mind was thinking in the early days if you know what I mean.

As my life is now I just feel like the words in One Moment in Time by Whitney Housten

Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all

This much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time

I will feel
I will feel eternity

I mean look what I have achieved walking normally, standing unaided, putting my socks and shoes on, so who knows what's next I just take it with both hands and I say bring it on I'm ready !!!! I feel so strong that I could achieve anything I want "And answers are all up to me"

Here's to a great New Year

When I arrived home I was a bit nervous off walking with it, not because I was going to fall, but because of the carpet it's a lot different to walking in the hospital. Anyway I soldiered on and within a few hours I was walking again the way I had always dreamed of, back to when I used to walk with my crutches many moons ago. It was the closest I was going to get to walking with my crutches for the time being and I was happy.

The next morning mind you I felt a little bit tight although I remember my Physio saying that I would be because it was a new way of walking for me, but also my muscles were getting constantly stretched and it would probably help a lot with the spasms I get as it would help too loosen them. At the time it didn't feel like it I can tell you. After an hour or so things had started to ease off and I felt fine. I then went off to work although I decided to keep the frame at home till I had got used to it and then I would take it with me.A few weeks went by and I was walking more and more with the frame and it seemed to be getting easier and I didn't have that tight feeling like I did the first morning. It also felt more normal to me because it was a more usual walking pattern.

Then things changed again for the better. I woke one morning it was Monday and I knew I had a meeting to go to with my Manager. I had this funny sensation come over me as I got out of bed and in to my chair, I waited for my lift to come up and I felt all relaxed and a bit odd, I got down stairs took my usual medication and was ok but still felt different but cant really describe it, the usual routine I have on a morning seemed slightly easier for some reason but I carried on the same.

My car came to take me to work and this time I took my frame with me for the first time and thought if I have chance today I will have ago walking a bit outside.I was making my way across the High Street with my Manager and I was telling them about how different I was feeling but couldn't understand why, and hope I couldn't wait to get back to the office to show her how I was walking now, its as if I was walking on air, as if I didn't have anything and was walking unaided.We got back to the office and I was getting a bit excited and nervous all the same the first difference we had noticed was how easy I had got myself out of my powerchair. I remember saying that's not all, then I got hold of the frame and off and I felt like the Road Runner from the Looney Tunes cartoons.I walked it was an amazing feeling, so light, so easy and my Manager couldn't believe it "wow look at you walking, your upright "that's great what a difference wow" I said I know I feel great and its so easy and I feel so different I cant tell you I sort of feel normal, its as if my disability as started to melt away and I was left standing literally "you look so relaxed more than I have ever seen you " its great!!"

"Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your hearts desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
That's when your dreams will all come true"
S Club 7

I started to laugh its as if I have been set free and I cant understand why, then I got back in my powerchair and we carried on chatting about it for a while "maybe its because you are happier in yourself and you have started to forget you are disabled to a degree" "Yes I think that's what it is and also support from everyone to help me realise that I can do it if given the chance, and boy have I been given the chance now, its like I have been thrown a life line sort of permission to have another go at things" and wow am I going to grasp it with both hands"I have always viewed my disability in terms that I have the ability not disability, it is in fact as far as I'm concerned the environment we live in that makes us disabled. Without the support from everyone around me I would not of achieved what I have in my life so far and as I am writing this Celine Dion's song springs to mind :

"For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am
Because you loved me "