In my work, I have been seeing an increase in Autism occurances - as has been reported in many studies, like this one from CDC, but I have also seen more incidences of non-verbal children in our schools. I am collabiorating more and more with our SLP's and EI/ECSE Specialists to develop AT supports and strategies. This past fall has been the busiest so far.
I was interested to see a link to an article about a poll by YouGov in the UK, that showed children are reaching the age of 3 without being able to say a word. It also showed that "boys are almost twice as likely to struggle to learn to speak than girls".
No Limits to Learning: Raise in Autism Rates and Non-verbal Rates will Impact AT and SLP Services
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
28 January 2010
24 January 2009
University challenge
The great enabler
Thanks to improved technology, people with disabilities now have access to a much greater range of options at university
Mary Novakovich
guardian.co.uk
Five years ago, the government pulled the plug on its e-university, which was supposed to attract hundreds of thousands of students in pursuit of an online degree. In the end, only 900 people applied, and the £62m project was quietly dropped, as were so many ambitious ideas that bubbled up during the dotcom boom.
But British universities have expanded their own distance learning options since then, and made inroads into new technology, which is excellent news for people with disabilities and learning difficulties.
The Open University (OU) has long been at the forefront of using technology to reach its students, many of whom are physically unable to attend tutorials. In fact, the OU has the highest number of students with a disability or extra educational need than any other higher education institution in Europe. Some of the ways in which it supports students are simple yet make all the difference to the ability to study: digital voice recorders, for example, talking calculators or computers with assistive software such as text-to-speech programs.
Like other universities in Britain, the OU has staked its place in the virtual world. Second Life, the virtual environment that often finds itself in the news for the wrong reasons, nevertheless has become a useful platform for distance learning. Students interact with each other using digital representations of themselves known as avatars, and they can have real-time discussions using instant messaging. Tutors have found that the avatar version of their students can be less inhibited and will takepart more freely in discussions than their human counterpart.
More universities are taking on the challenge of helping students with severely limited mobility to take part fully in their studies. Glyndwr University in Wrexham, north Wales, has the highest percentage (14.1) of students claiming the Disabled Students' Allowance in Wales, making it well placed to come up with creative ways of widening access for disabled students. A recent case was that of an undergraduate, Gareth Stafford, who was studying for a foundation degree in sound studio technology.
No missing out
Stafford's cerebral palsy left him with limited use of one hand and little movement in the arm. Using a conventional computer mouse for any length of time would tire him out, so the university's school of computing and communications technology devised a bespoke keyboard for him. His course is heavily dependent on computers, but this meant Stafford was finally able to do everything his fellow students were doing without feeling marginalised. He also didn't have to miss out on any part of the assessment process. But there are students whose physical disabilities are so profound that they can't use a keyboard. This is where technology has been moving rapidly towards innovations more often seen in science fiction.
For example, the Smartlab Digital Media Institute at the University of East London has been developing assistive technologies that have given an enormous boost to students with severe cerebral palsy. Even people with little mobility are able to use gaze-controlled interfaces to enable them to write. It's technology such as this that is finally allowing disabled students a fuller university experience.
WeblinksOpen University: http://www.open.ac.uk/
Glyndwr University: http://www.glyndwr.ac.uk/
04 December 2008
Focus
The other day, I wrote an article that mentioned some tools that I use personally to maneuver through life. One of the tools I use is to focus. I think about something of interest. Something I want to put my full attention to. Something that I feel real passionate about. And something that brings me much pleasure and joy in doing. Something that is gratifying and constructive and make me feel happy and content within.
Then I do two or three different things. The first of which is to decide what it is I want to take action on. This could be a mental thought, or a physical action. Then, I would make a list if I had to. I would write down all the things I had to do to attain and accomplish this goal. Checking them off as I reach my aim, desired results, or wishes.
Next, I would proceed clearly and carefully. Taking one baby step at a time. Putting one foot in front of the other, until I reach my attainable goal. Gradually and consistently, over a period of time, unchanging my course of thinking; I would keep my faith, and endue with all the endurance I inside myself to muster, to keep on keeping on. I would remain focused. I would visualize myself reaching these intents in my mind.
Third, I would say affirmations. I would believe in myself more than any other human being on this earth. I would believe with all my heart and soul. I would continue to believe no matter how long it took me to attain my hope. Plus, I would not allow anyone to sway me or tell me that I COULD NOT succeed or achieve! I would hold firm to my thoughts, and ground myself by being mindful and steadfast.
Forth, I would be aware. I would be conscious of all things happening in and around me. I would be sensible, alert, antiquated, and heedful. I would also practice being wise and hip, and very attentive to areas that would be beneficial to my growth.
Finally, I would read, learn, do anything I could to educate myself more on my intent and desire, and focus, focus, focus.
Then I do two or three different things. The first of which is to decide what it is I want to take action on. This could be a mental thought, or a physical action. Then, I would make a list if I had to. I would write down all the things I had to do to attain and accomplish this goal. Checking them off as I reach my aim, desired results, or wishes.
Next, I would proceed clearly and carefully. Taking one baby step at a time. Putting one foot in front of the other, until I reach my attainable goal. Gradually and consistently, over a period of time, unchanging my course of thinking; I would keep my faith, and endue with all the endurance I inside myself to muster, to keep on keeping on. I would remain focused. I would visualize myself reaching these intents in my mind.
Third, I would say affirmations. I would believe in myself more than any other human being on this earth. I would believe with all my heart and soul. I would continue to believe no matter how long it took me to attain my hope. Plus, I would not allow anyone to sway me or tell me that I COULD NOT succeed or achieve! I would hold firm to my thoughts, and ground myself by being mindful and steadfast.
Forth, I would be aware. I would be conscious of all things happening in and around me. I would be sensible, alert, antiquated, and heedful. I would also practice being wise and hip, and very attentive to areas that would be beneficial to my growth.
Finally, I would read, learn, do anything I could to educate myself more on my intent and desire, and focus, focus, focus.
16 November 2008
Driving With Hand Controls and Maneuvering Confidently
Back when I was in high school, I remember taking a drivers ed class. I was thrilled and nervous because I was going to be able to drive a car just like my mother, and sister, despite my Cerebral Palsy. What a sense of pleasure and excitement it gave me. Taking this huge, step forward in my life, also took my emotions on a roller coaster ride. My stomach fluttered like the wings of a butterfly, . I subconsciously knew this was an enormous, gigantic, and monumental responsibility and a big step for me; especially knowing that I had lost my lower left quadrant of peripheral vision due to my brain damage as a baby.
Although, I also knew getting my license would give me more freedom to get around the city, and to become more independent to do more of the things I’d desired to do. It would allow me to go shopping to buy pretty new clothes, or get my nails done:>))))) , or, even taken care of errands. It would be a high-schoolers dream come true! It would also allow me to soar like an eagle in the sky.
In the beginning, I was taught to drive in a simulated car. This was inside a bungalow where a big screen was set up. It was equipped with hand controls and ready for all students, such as myself, to take a seat and start driving. It was pretty cool. Its almost like the arcade driving games they have today. Anyway’s the instructors were ready for their willing participants to get behind the wheel-so they could teach them all they new about handling a car with care. Thus, the disabled students of Joseph Pomery Widney High school were immediately available to learn.
The first time I took the wheel of the car, it was amazing! I did it with little dough in my heart. I even remember the kind of car it was. It was a white, all electric power Plymouth. It had power windows, power breaks and just too cool for words. And I, Karen, Lynn Hershkowitz, got behind the wheels. I was not intimidated at all. With confidence, I adjusted the seat to my legs and comfort, adjusted my rear view mirrors and off the campus grounds I drove. The instructor told me where to go and I went.
I used my steering knob with ease. It became an extension of how freely I could control my steering wheel with one hand. It enabled me to drive down a straight streets and maneuver corners with ease- Although, I was one of the privileged few to be able to use one; as they became illegal to drivers back in the fifties. Teens back then called then knicker knobs. And they were not made as mine was. They were flimsily, and if someone got their wrist caught inside the mental part of the attachment, it could injured them badly. So only those who were legally told they could use them for assistance did.
One day I was taking a driving lesson, I was driving down Grand Avenue, going towards Angels Hill, when a buss pulled out in front of me forcing me to pull to the left and think quickly. I performed with confidence. And, I was quick, too! I had my foot on that break before the instructor could say a peep! I maneuvered that huge car like I had been driving for years. I proved to the teacher I had quick thinking. I also proved to the instructor that I could carefully move the car to the left with safety.
Although, I also knew getting my license would give me more freedom to get around the city, and to become more independent to do more of the things I’d desired to do. It would allow me to go shopping to buy pretty new clothes, or get my nails done:>))))) , or, even taken care of errands. It would be a high-schoolers dream come true! It would also allow me to soar like an eagle in the sky.
In the beginning, I was taught to drive in a simulated car. This was inside a bungalow where a big screen was set up. It was equipped with hand controls and ready for all students, such as myself, to take a seat and start driving. It was pretty cool. Its almost like the arcade driving games they have today. Anyway’s the instructors were ready for their willing participants to get behind the wheel-so they could teach them all they new about handling a car with care. Thus, the disabled students of Joseph Pomery Widney High school were immediately available to learn.
The first time I took the wheel of the car, it was amazing! I did it with little dough in my heart. I even remember the kind of car it was. It was a white, all electric power Plymouth. It had power windows, power breaks and just too cool for words. And I, Karen, Lynn Hershkowitz, got behind the wheels. I was not intimidated at all. With confidence, I adjusted the seat to my legs and comfort, adjusted my rear view mirrors and off the campus grounds I drove. The instructor told me where to go and I went.
I used my steering knob with ease. It became an extension of how freely I could control my steering wheel with one hand. It enabled me to drive down a straight streets and maneuver corners with ease- Although, I was one of the privileged few to be able to use one; as they became illegal to drivers back in the fifties. Teens back then called then knicker knobs. And they were not made as mine was. They were flimsily, and if someone got their wrist caught inside the mental part of the attachment, it could injured them badly. So only those who were legally told they could use them for assistance did.
One day I was taking a driving lesson, I was driving down Grand Avenue, going towards Angels Hill, when a buss pulled out in front of me forcing me to pull to the left and think quickly. I performed with confidence. And, I was quick, too! I had my foot on that break before the instructor could say a peep! I maneuvered that huge car like I had been driving for years. I proved to the teacher I had quick thinking. I also proved to the instructor that I could carefully move the car to the left with safety.
Making Peace with Your Past
Have you ever been awaken from a deep sleep only to have some experience or thought from the past starring you in the face? Didn’t you think you’d got rid of what ever was haunting you long time ago, or did you just berry them deep within the crevasse of your being?
Well, earlier this morning, I experienced just this- I was forced to look at myself, squarely between my eyes. I was forced to look at these areas of my life that resurfaced again. I was forced to clean house, look at my motives- if any, and finally make peace within myself.
I had to! I had to honestly look at these past experiences and finally find a way to heal- I had glimpse- glimpse that I had a choice. I could either continue to ignore them, and not find a positive resolution to what was hurting me so severely, and deeply within my core and being, or I could resolve them.
I could release these lasting impressions that creped upon my mind time and again for what ever reason they did. I could turn my life and feelings around by facing them. I could release the residue of these past feelings through acceptance. Acceptance could be my road to peace and harmony. Acceptance could be my friend if I let it-
I could let go of the worst, hold on to only the best- and determine to find hope inside my heart and mind- and I could allow it to continue throughout my life.
Reginia Hill says…"Acceptance is the heart’s best defense, love’s greatest asset, and the easiest way to keep believing in yourself and others."
So that is what I decided!
Yes, my thoughts greeted me today- And, yes, they said …"hello, - But its what I did with those thoughts- Its how I took my feelings, and how I turned my situation around - Its how I allowed my healing process within to begin- And, its how I empowered myself to be more positive- Its how I decided to think differently- and how I decided to change for the better!
Yes, It’s not easy! Although, I’ve learned, that admitting my problems to myself is a whole lot easier and less painful than denying it to myself. It is so much easier to accept that a long time ago such and such was done and said, and, that I was not to happy or impressed with how I handled the situation at hand.
But, its how I decide to deal with it. Its how I decide to use this given opportunity to my fullest potential!… it’s how I can make and turn this particular situation around! Its how I can make it feel right within the core of my being- Its through the learning and accepting that makes me feel whole and complete again- It’s not about tearing myself down or apart for not say the right thing at the right, given moment- Its about being gentle with myself and making peace with myself through acceptance.
Well, this morning I awoke that way, and have not been able to sleep since. I woke up only to realize I had some very important business to take care of. I realized that I better do some more homework on myself- I realized that I had some very important mental and emotional housekeeping to do- I realized that I better start dissolving and liquefy the cobwebs lurking in my mind so that I could go forth in peace and harmony.
Well, earlier this morning, I experienced just this- I was forced to look at myself, squarely between my eyes. I was forced to look at these areas of my life that resurfaced again. I was forced to clean house, look at my motives- if any, and finally make peace within myself.
I had to! I had to honestly look at these past experiences and finally find a way to heal- I had glimpse- glimpse that I had a choice. I could either continue to ignore them, and not find a positive resolution to what was hurting me so severely, and deeply within my core and being, or I could resolve them.
I could release these lasting impressions that creped upon my mind time and again for what ever reason they did. I could turn my life and feelings around by facing them. I could release the residue of these past feelings through acceptance. Acceptance could be my road to peace and harmony. Acceptance could be my friend if I let it-
I could let go of the worst, hold on to only the best- and determine to find hope inside my heart and mind- and I could allow it to continue throughout my life.
Reginia Hill says…"Acceptance is the heart’s best defense, love’s greatest asset, and the easiest way to keep believing in yourself and others."
So that is what I decided!
Yes, my thoughts greeted me today- And, yes, they said …"hello, - But its what I did with those thoughts- Its how I took my feelings, and how I turned my situation around - Its how I allowed my healing process within to begin- And, its how I empowered myself to be more positive- Its how I decided to think differently- and how I decided to change for the better!
Yes, It’s not easy! Although, I’ve learned, that admitting my problems to myself is a whole lot easier and less painful than denying it to myself. It is so much easier to accept that a long time ago such and such was done and said, and, that I was not to happy or impressed with how I handled the situation at hand.
But, its how I decide to deal with it. Its how I decide to use this given opportunity to my fullest potential!… it’s how I can make and turn this particular situation around! Its how I can make it feel right within the core of my being- Its through the learning and accepting that makes me feel whole and complete again- It’s not about tearing myself down or apart for not say the right thing at the right, given moment- Its about being gentle with myself and making peace with myself through acceptance.
Well, this morning I awoke that way, and have not been able to sleep since. I woke up only to realize I had some very important business to take care of. I realized that I better do some more homework on myself- I realized that I had some very important mental and emotional housekeeping to do- I realized that I better start dissolving and liquefy the cobwebs lurking in my mind so that I could go forth in peace and harmony.
17 October 2008
A Love Like Rahab
Last night I decided to kick back and have a beer, and I got to thinking about a man named Joshua. He married a young women named Rahab who was a prostitute. I mean its kinda cool how it happened, Joshua and his army are preparing for the fight of their lives, but before anything happens that take refuge in her home.
Rahab pleads with Joshua not to destroy her home, and her place of business. She even hides him and a few of his mates. Until some sneaky snitch decides to tell their enemies of the Israelites plan of attack. (According to some scholars and experts on this particular time in history.)
Rahab decides to hang a red cord out her window, so Joshua and his troops know not to touch her home. Now... that is a small piece of background. But then, I started to put myself in Joshua's shoes (or rather sandals) based on some drawings that portray her, she seems to be a very attractive lady at that.
So at first glance I would like to think that when their eyes met, there was a subtle attraction. Because they couldn't show it, they probably couldn't show the radiation of their smiles. And the entire time Joshua was at war, I bet he thought about her, and I bet his prayer was to make it back alive so he could see Rahab again.
Please understand that this is just my assumption. But what made me so intrigued by the two of them, was how counter culture their relationship was. I mean Joshua was no an idiot he knew she was a prostitute and how she made money, but he didn't know how many partners she could have had, unless she just came out and told him.
However, in my assumption. I believe Joshua didn't go up to rahab and say to her: "Hey lets date!" He probably saw this beautiful women who needed love like anyone else, and that its hard to make a living in this life. And Rahab knew that she could not live the life she was leading anymore. After awhile it gets old and you start to wonder if this all adds up to how much she is worth.
So theirs a connection between them already. The reason I say this is so counter culture is because it is very, very difficult to find love and acceptance. The kind of total, pure acceptance that leaves us in awe, and leaves us wondering why we haven't be thrown to the side of the road. Our society is very rush, when one is honest about his or her past with some one they care for or love. The opposite person is left in a state of disbelief. We say things like: "Wow.." "Not you, this just can't be true can it?" Or "I don't think we can have a future anymore, because you've got to much baggage, and my future is just to important to me."
This is true and we cannot deny... These response are so very painful. Nothing in me senses that Joshua did this with Rahab. He didn't throw a "purity rocks" T-shirt at her or say something like "True love waits." Now I have no problem with these stances, the keep us free from having a life of having to take medicine and learning to cope with any horrible sickness.
I don't see Christ doing that, so what gives us the right? Sure, I'm in no way shape or form saying go out in live a reckless care free life. Don't take what I'm saying out of the proper context, all I am saying is that God just sees the son or daughter. And he speaks well of the good that is already in them. Which is what people mean when they say: "God bless you" It is meant to say that I think well of you and so does God. Again, let me state that God does convict and points our sins, but he in no way gives a saying that thousands of other people crowd around.
Rather, I believe he gets down on his knees, wraps his hands around the head of his son or daughter. And quietly and lovingly rebukes the nature they're living. Why can't we do this for one another? Regardless of wether it'd be a sexual past or whatever the case may be? The Bible clearly states that we are to become more and more like every single day, hence this is his will for all humanity. But we are unaware of our short comings. Now, to the person who has these high standards of morality. I say well done to you. But are your standards so high that you are far from the loving the Un-Pure?
We scare people to the point where if they do sin, their done for. And God is just standing there ready to crack that whip. Not true. Mistakes are bound to happen they will. There're so many people who live in shame in this hour, because of something they've done. Let me tell you that there is a huge difference between conviction and shame. And lets be very honest with ourselves for a minute.
What exactly do we want? We want a love like Rahab has received. And it may be from another human being, or it very well be God himself or maybe even both. Whatever the case this love is life changing, this kind of love leaves us dumbfounded. If only we all could share our love like this, the chains would be broken. We'd throw down the heavy burdens of life and seek rest. We'd have a love like rahab.
-Brandon the writer.
Rahab pleads with Joshua not to destroy her home, and her place of business. She even hides him and a few of his mates. Until some sneaky snitch decides to tell their enemies of the Israelites plan of attack. (According to some scholars and experts on this particular time in history.)
Rahab decides to hang a red cord out her window, so Joshua and his troops know not to touch her home. Now... that is a small piece of background. But then, I started to put myself in Joshua's shoes (or rather sandals) based on some drawings that portray her, she seems to be a very attractive lady at that.
So at first glance I would like to think that when their eyes met, there was a subtle attraction. Because they couldn't show it, they probably couldn't show the radiation of their smiles. And the entire time Joshua was at war, I bet he thought about her, and I bet his prayer was to make it back alive so he could see Rahab again.
Please understand that this is just my assumption. But what made me so intrigued by the two of them, was how counter culture their relationship was. I mean Joshua was no an idiot he knew she was a prostitute and how she made money, but he didn't know how many partners she could have had, unless she just came out and told him.
However, in my assumption. I believe Joshua didn't go up to rahab and say to her: "Hey lets date!" He probably saw this beautiful women who needed love like anyone else, and that its hard to make a living in this life. And Rahab knew that she could not live the life she was leading anymore. After awhile it gets old and you start to wonder if this all adds up to how much she is worth.
So theirs a connection between them already. The reason I say this is so counter culture is because it is very, very difficult to find love and acceptance. The kind of total, pure acceptance that leaves us in awe, and leaves us wondering why we haven't be thrown to the side of the road. Our society is very rush, when one is honest about his or her past with some one they care for or love. The opposite person is left in a state of disbelief. We say things like: "Wow.." "Not you, this just can't be true can it?" Or "I don't think we can have a future anymore, because you've got to much baggage, and my future is just to important to me."
This is true and we cannot deny... These response are so very painful. Nothing in me senses that Joshua did this with Rahab. He didn't throw a "purity rocks" T-shirt at her or say something like "True love waits." Now I have no problem with these stances, the keep us free from having a life of having to take medicine and learning to cope with any horrible sickness.
I don't see Christ doing that, so what gives us the right? Sure, I'm in no way shape or form saying go out in live a reckless care free life. Don't take what I'm saying out of the proper context, all I am saying is that God just sees the son or daughter. And he speaks well of the good that is already in them. Which is what people mean when they say: "God bless you" It is meant to say that I think well of you and so does God. Again, let me state that God does convict and points our sins, but he in no way gives a saying that thousands of other people crowd around.
Rather, I believe he gets down on his knees, wraps his hands around the head of his son or daughter. And quietly and lovingly rebukes the nature they're living. Why can't we do this for one another? Regardless of wether it'd be a sexual past or whatever the case may be? The Bible clearly states that we are to become more and more like every single day, hence this is his will for all humanity. But we are unaware of our short comings. Now, to the person who has these high standards of morality. I say well done to you. But are your standards so high that you are far from the loving the Un-Pure?
We scare people to the point where if they do sin, their done for. And God is just standing there ready to crack that whip. Not true. Mistakes are bound to happen they will. There're so many people who live in shame in this hour, because of something they've done. Let me tell you that there is a huge difference between conviction and shame. And lets be very honest with ourselves for a minute.
What exactly do we want? We want a love like Rahab has received. And it may be from another human being, or it very well be God himself or maybe even both. Whatever the case this love is life changing, this kind of love leaves us dumbfounded. If only we all could share our love like this, the chains would be broken. We'd throw down the heavy burdens of life and seek rest. We'd have a love like rahab.
-Brandon the writer.
04 September 2008
I can't help it, I am going to write.
My friend paul sent me this video he found. I'm going to post it here.
Just listen to the song mostly, I know it will make a home in your heart.
there is a video that goes with this, if it does not show up. please visit my myspace to watch it: www.myspace.com/yeshuakid
This video has provoked my soul in the deepest way possible, as if some one tore up the roots that have been my life. and made them new, planted new seeds so they can grow and produce life.
The quote in the song sings: "You have redeemed my soul from death".
For some reason it meant so much to me. Well, I know why. I've been struggling the past few days. Whenever days like this come along, I also start to compare my life and self to others.
I have been feeding myself a lie. I've been telling myself, that if could just get it together. not struggle with depression, or sadness or suicide (thought wise) than my life would be great. and I could understand life and love better.
I've come to realize just how much B.S. that is. And I heard someone once say that we never learn anything when life goes our way. What a profound statement, I mean its a pile driver to the human experience wether you like it or not.
In my life, I have found that Christ is most present. when my life is at its darkest, and when I'm the most weakest. And thats not to say that the presence of Gods love does not come in the bright moments.
Its more so that when we are feeling the weak, dirty, filthy and thrown to the side. Thats when we realize the true meaning of being redeemed.
A verse I've been saying over in my mind is Jeremiah 31:3:
the LORD appeared to him [a] from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued to extend faithful love to you."
Sometimes... On the days when life seems to pile up, and my soul is downcast. I sometimes think the only way out is the grave. I know this is NOT true, but I would be lying to myself and all of you if I said that suicide didn't poke its head up every so often.
But I want to draw you back to that line:
"And you have redeemed my soul from death".
Let me say again.. Suicide is never an option.
Life can get better. We don't have to live this way.
when you are aware of the depth and how vast the love of Christ is for you. your life will never be the same. i know it. I'm working on it, and I'm still learning to talk about it, but often don't because no offense to those who care... but I don't need a sermon, I just need you to listen and try and have empathy.
When we re-play that line, it becomes a tape playing in our minds. things change very slowly... very slowly.. but when it is said enough. you start to believe. and we can then look at our grave. close our eyes and walk away.
Because death, is not our master. Death and all its friends can take our mortal lives. but it cannot take our souls. this is the life i dream of life, the life i want. i want that life for you too.
-Brandon
Just listen to the song mostly, I know it will make a home in your heart.
there is a video that goes with this, if it does not show up. please visit my myspace to watch it: www.myspace.com/yeshuakid
This video has provoked my soul in the deepest way possible, as if some one tore up the roots that have been my life. and made them new, planted new seeds so they can grow and produce life.
The quote in the song sings: "You have redeemed my soul from death".
For some reason it meant so much to me. Well, I know why. I've been struggling the past few days. Whenever days like this come along, I also start to compare my life and self to others.
I have been feeding myself a lie. I've been telling myself, that if could just get it together. not struggle with depression, or sadness or suicide (thought wise) than my life would be great. and I could understand life and love better.
I've come to realize just how much B.S. that is. And I heard someone once say that we never learn anything when life goes our way. What a profound statement, I mean its a pile driver to the human experience wether you like it or not.
In my life, I have found that Christ is most present. when my life is at its darkest, and when I'm the most weakest. And thats not to say that the presence of Gods love does not come in the bright moments.
Its more so that when we are feeling the weak, dirty, filthy and thrown to the side. Thats when we realize the true meaning of being redeemed.
A verse I've been saying over in my mind is Jeremiah 31:3:
the LORD appeared to him [a] from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued to extend faithful love to you."
Sometimes... On the days when life seems to pile up, and my soul is downcast. I sometimes think the only way out is the grave. I know this is NOT true, but I would be lying to myself and all of you if I said that suicide didn't poke its head up every so often.
But I want to draw you back to that line:
"And you have redeemed my soul from death".
Let me say again.. Suicide is never an option.
Life can get better. We don't have to live this way.
when you are aware of the depth and how vast the love of Christ is for you. your life will never be the same. i know it. I'm working on it, and I'm still learning to talk about it, but often don't because no offense to those who care... but I don't need a sermon, I just need you to listen and try and have empathy.
When we re-play that line, it becomes a tape playing in our minds. things change very slowly... very slowly.. but when it is said enough. you start to believe. and we can then look at our grave. close our eyes and walk away.
Because death, is not our master. Death and all its friends can take our mortal lives. but it cannot take our souls. this is the life i dream of life, the life i want. i want that life for you too.
-Brandon
Please open your eyes.
So its early morning and I'm still really tired. I've been sick the past few days, I am trying to sit up more so my lungs to go flying out of my chest from coughing so hard. The sun is starting to sparkle and it just felt right to write out some thoughts as best I can. If I tend to skip around please bare with me.
Thoughts:
I've really have been wondering about the condition of our world, more so on a level of awareness as to what is happening around us. Do we even realize how good we have it? I don't ever want to not show regard for someone's pain. But please hear me out.
We all have are own pain and daily struggle to fight against, but in the same breath we also have a roof over our heads, a clean bed to sleep in, (I hope) the ability to eat whenever we please, a hot shower whenever desired and the list could go on and on.
So why then when life kicks us in the teeth, we feel like the entire earth is falling down around us? Seriously, think about this with me. Every single person is guilty of this, and that is said in love and with honesty.
I was watching this movie series called "Generation Kill" last night, and its based off the war we are in at this moment. I watched with intent, my eyes and spirt were searching for any hint of truth and mercy it could lock onto.
There was one part in the episode where a family was dragging their wounded son, in a blanket. They dragged him to where the troops were resting and re-grouping as a team. When one soldier saw the family, five of them rushed to see what was going on.
The little boys mom was just a mess, she was just sobbing and it sounded as if she was praying. The boy had be hit three times in the stomach, if something was not done as soon as possible he was going to die. And that family would also loose a son.
So the medic did all he could to comfort and make sure the boys vital signs were stable. While the other troops tried to radio for evacuation be Helicopter, they could not get through to their commander.
This boy, this human being was struck by a Marine who was following orders from his commander also. The Marine was there with the medic, he confessed to what he had to done and pleaded to offer and help he could. The rest of the troops were angry, every moment was so important for this kids life.
So they set out with the boy on a stretcher and the family trailing behind, they carried the boy to their commanders tent who was not answering his head set. They set the boy down and the family kneeled beside him and held his bloody hands and wept and wailed.
The commander finally came out and the first words that came out of his mouth were, "What the hell is this?" the medic who tended to the boys needs said slowly: "we brought this boy here so he could die."
Their commander was silent, then he pulled the troops over to the side. He began to tell the platoon that helicopter evacuation was very dangerous and two were just shot down the night before. He said the the second option was to send a truck to drive the boy to the nearest hospital.
The catch was that that truck would drive through one of the most dangerous war zones to be under attack. This meant that the boy might not even make it. So here is this fragile situation where humanity and flesh and blood, making a very bold statement.
I could sense that the heart of these soldiers were going out to this family, they wanted to offer this young boy every chance at life they could. Even if it meant their own death. It dawn on that once again life is stronger than death.
Here in this blood bathed battle ground, for a few minutes it is not us versus them. It is about human being meets human being. Sometimes when we are faced with our own war we become so aware of ourselves that we fail to keep are hearts softened to the conditions of another's life, needs and the battle they face.
Let us not loose ourselves in ourselves. Please lets open our eyes to our entire world and all people, not just our lives and what we are comfortable with. I know that may seem a bit harsh and it very well may be, but please open up your eyes and see that this word needs you.
The love of God does not require us to do huge things. It begs of us to do small things with great love. Let us also learn to be ourselves and not try and copy others, we were made originals and not carbon copies of another person.
I truly believe that our world can change. But you know what the truth is? It probably won't make CNN, the violence will be the main attraction. But the little things that people won't. I'm sorry to say that but its true.
As Shane Claiborne put it we are going to grow smaller and smaller until we change the world. And I hope that disturbs you, because it does me. This means that are perspectives must change inwardly.
The way we view recognition must change, this is something that I fight against because it feels good to be noticed, it feels good to have people say nice things about us. But is there really any good in it?
We don't need bigger buildings, large followings or mass exposure. Sure there is good in all of that, but what we really need is to always learn to keep are hearts in the right place and always let are minds be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
This is how I believe Jesus would want it to be, and I honestly believe that he doesn't care about how big your thing gets. What I believe he cares the most about, is wether or not we are letting his love and mercy be at work in our lives and are that we are doing all we can to show his mercy in small doses to this world.
We are all broken and sick, if you didn't know. Some may have it worse than others. But we are alive and are only just starting to make a a flame arise from the darkness. This will create a flame that will we be very hard to put out as long as we are adding fuel to the fire.
Brandon-The Writer
Thoughts:
I've really have been wondering about the condition of our world, more so on a level of awareness as to what is happening around us. Do we even realize how good we have it? I don't ever want to not show regard for someone's pain. But please hear me out.
We all have are own pain and daily struggle to fight against, but in the same breath we also have a roof over our heads, a clean bed to sleep in, (I hope) the ability to eat whenever we please, a hot shower whenever desired and the list could go on and on.
So why then when life kicks us in the teeth, we feel like the entire earth is falling down around us? Seriously, think about this with me. Every single person is guilty of this, and that is said in love and with honesty.
I was watching this movie series called "Generation Kill" last night, and its based off the war we are in at this moment. I watched with intent, my eyes and spirt were searching for any hint of truth and mercy it could lock onto.
There was one part in the episode where a family was dragging their wounded son, in a blanket. They dragged him to where the troops were resting and re-grouping as a team. When one soldier saw the family, five of them rushed to see what was going on.
The little boys mom was just a mess, she was just sobbing and it sounded as if she was praying. The boy had be hit three times in the stomach, if something was not done as soon as possible he was going to die. And that family would also loose a son.
So the medic did all he could to comfort and make sure the boys vital signs were stable. While the other troops tried to radio for evacuation be Helicopter, they could not get through to their commander.
This boy, this human being was struck by a Marine who was following orders from his commander also. The Marine was there with the medic, he confessed to what he had to done and pleaded to offer and help he could. The rest of the troops were angry, every moment was so important for this kids life.
So they set out with the boy on a stretcher and the family trailing behind, they carried the boy to their commanders tent who was not answering his head set. They set the boy down and the family kneeled beside him and held his bloody hands and wept and wailed.
The commander finally came out and the first words that came out of his mouth were, "What the hell is this?" the medic who tended to the boys needs said slowly: "we brought this boy here so he could die."
Their commander was silent, then he pulled the troops over to the side. He began to tell the platoon that helicopter evacuation was very dangerous and two were just shot down the night before. He said the the second option was to send a truck to drive the boy to the nearest hospital.
The catch was that that truck would drive through one of the most dangerous war zones to be under attack. This meant that the boy might not even make it. So here is this fragile situation where humanity and flesh and blood, making a very bold statement.
I could sense that the heart of these soldiers were going out to this family, they wanted to offer this young boy every chance at life they could. Even if it meant their own death. It dawn on that once again life is stronger than death.
Here in this blood bathed battle ground, for a few minutes it is not us versus them. It is about human being meets human being. Sometimes when we are faced with our own war we become so aware of ourselves that we fail to keep are hearts softened to the conditions of another's life, needs and the battle they face.
Let us not loose ourselves in ourselves. Please lets open our eyes to our entire world and all people, not just our lives and what we are comfortable with. I know that may seem a bit harsh and it very well may be, but please open up your eyes and see that this word needs you.
The love of God does not require us to do huge things. It begs of us to do small things with great love. Let us also learn to be ourselves and not try and copy others, we were made originals and not carbon copies of another person.
I truly believe that our world can change. But you know what the truth is? It probably won't make CNN, the violence will be the main attraction. But the little things that people won't. I'm sorry to say that but its true.
As Shane Claiborne put it we are going to grow smaller and smaller until we change the world. And I hope that disturbs you, because it does me. This means that are perspectives must change inwardly.
The way we view recognition must change, this is something that I fight against because it feels good to be noticed, it feels good to have people say nice things about us. But is there really any good in it?
We don't need bigger buildings, large followings or mass exposure. Sure there is good in all of that, but what we really need is to always learn to keep are hearts in the right place and always let are minds be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
This is how I believe Jesus would want it to be, and I honestly believe that he doesn't care about how big your thing gets. What I believe he cares the most about, is wether or not we are letting his love and mercy be at work in our lives and are that we are doing all we can to show his mercy in small doses to this world.
We are all broken and sick, if you didn't know. Some may have it worse than others. But we are alive and are only just starting to make a a flame arise from the darkness. This will create a flame that will we be very hard to put out as long as we are adding fuel to the fire.
Brandon-The Writer
Time
A very profound truth has clicked me this morning. I woke up this morning and stuck in my headphones to my head phones to my Ipod, and listened to a teaching by Matthew Creek, he is a very wise man and is an ex doctor. He spoke about time, and how it seems to humanity how we have no time.
Now, think about this with me for a few minutes. How often does this excuse fall from our lips? Very often I believe. We are all guilty of this. It is estimated that in the United States alone there're 30 billion clocks. Clocks in our computers, TV's, Dish Washers, Microwaves, Stereos and countless other item.
We even where watches on our wrists, that conveniently tells us what time it is. I am starting to believe that most of creation, meaning us. Is being killed by time. What I mean is, for those of us who are single, and with every birthday that passes.We start tending to believe that we are running out of time to finds someone to spend the rest of our lives with.
Then there're those of us who are trying to figure out all the mysterious way of the world, before we go six feet under. What I mean by that, we are always searching for answers to why certain things happen in our lives. And even more so to the other countries around us.
As if will never be okay with our lives, with our maker. Until we get some answers. What if you find out that there is no answer to certain things in life.
Could you still believe life can be enjoyed?
Could you even go on living?
Could you somehow, some way be find a way to let go of the need for control?
And if you, never found an answer to a haunting question in your life... Would you still believe in hope?
Better yet. What would you do with the time that you do have?
Its as though we are in this race against the clock, and its killing us. It really is. How many conversations are cut short because you had to be somewhere else? Some of us might have the desire to help contribute to the redemption of our world.
Which is great, it really is. But let me ask another question. What are you doing with the time that you have in order to do that? Maybe you have these talents locked away inside of you, that have been there for years. But you are afraid of really stepping out and using them, you have time to start using them.
Which now brings up the phrase: "You don't know what tomorrow may bring." Very true, tomorrow could be the time when I walk to my grave (I sure hope not) but even if we had one year or even one hundred or maybe even one more day you still have the time to do something so amazing.
There is so much freedom is this, and I hope and pray that you see it. There is so many layers to this, and it goes so deep. Even for me this becomes so personal. Which makes me want to draw back to the phrase that we reflected on earlier:
"I don't have time".
I was talking to my best friend Garret yesterday, and before we hung up the phone. He said something that burned deep within my soul. He said: "I don't want to be that kind of person, so I always try and answer my phone". Now I know to you this may sound so small. But for me this was so rich in love and grace, because a majority of the time I get a voice mail.
To always "make time" to answer your phone, for a friend who feels like their and their wits end in life. And so you spend ex amount of hours on the phone with them because you really do care for their well being. I want to be the kind of person who does not hide behind a vocation that sucks up my "time".
I want to live a life that spends my time well, and my vocation becomes about investing time in people and being a light in a dark place. This is time well spent. I'm not saying that we can't have fun with life, thats not what I'm saying at all.
In fact if we learn to take deep breathes every now and then, and not let time consume us. And let OURSELVES consume time. Life will be fun, life with be beautiful and more poetic and rich. And it will be on earth as it is in Heaven.
So may we learn to stop.
May we open our eyes.
May we learn to communicate better.
May we close our eyes to sleep, and wake refreshed.
Let us consume our hands with the work of redemption,
and may everything we touched be filled with ever lasting grace.
Now, think about this with me for a few minutes. How often does this excuse fall from our lips? Very often I believe. We are all guilty of this. It is estimated that in the United States alone there're 30 billion clocks. Clocks in our computers, TV's, Dish Washers, Microwaves, Stereos and countless other item.
We even where watches on our wrists, that conveniently tells us what time it is. I am starting to believe that most of creation, meaning us. Is being killed by time. What I mean is, for those of us who are single, and with every birthday that passes.We start tending to believe that we are running out of time to finds someone to spend the rest of our lives with.
Then there're those of us who are trying to figure out all the mysterious way of the world, before we go six feet under. What I mean by that, we are always searching for answers to why certain things happen in our lives. And even more so to the other countries around us.
As if will never be okay with our lives, with our maker. Until we get some answers. What if you find out that there is no answer to certain things in life.
Could you still believe life can be enjoyed?
Could you even go on living?
Could you somehow, some way be find a way to let go of the need for control?
And if you, never found an answer to a haunting question in your life... Would you still believe in hope?
Better yet. What would you do with the time that you do have?
Its as though we are in this race against the clock, and its killing us. It really is. How many conversations are cut short because you had to be somewhere else? Some of us might have the desire to help contribute to the redemption of our world.
Which is great, it really is. But let me ask another question. What are you doing with the time that you have in order to do that? Maybe you have these talents locked away inside of you, that have been there for years. But you are afraid of really stepping out and using them, you have time to start using them.
Which now brings up the phrase: "You don't know what tomorrow may bring." Very true, tomorrow could be the time when I walk to my grave (I sure hope not) but even if we had one year or even one hundred or maybe even one more day you still have the time to do something so amazing.
There is so much freedom is this, and I hope and pray that you see it. There is so many layers to this, and it goes so deep. Even for me this becomes so personal. Which makes me want to draw back to the phrase that we reflected on earlier:
"I don't have time".
I was talking to my best friend Garret yesterday, and before we hung up the phone. He said something that burned deep within my soul. He said: "I don't want to be that kind of person, so I always try and answer my phone". Now I know to you this may sound so small. But for me this was so rich in love and grace, because a majority of the time I get a voice mail.
To always "make time" to answer your phone, for a friend who feels like their and their wits end in life. And so you spend ex amount of hours on the phone with them because you really do care for their well being. I want to be the kind of person who does not hide behind a vocation that sucks up my "time".
I want to live a life that spends my time well, and my vocation becomes about investing time in people and being a light in a dark place. This is time well spent. I'm not saying that we can't have fun with life, thats not what I'm saying at all.
In fact if we learn to take deep breathes every now and then, and not let time consume us. And let OURSELVES consume time. Life will be fun, life with be beautiful and more poetic and rich. And it will be on earth as it is in Heaven.
So may we learn to stop.
May we open our eyes.
May we learn to communicate better.
May we close our eyes to sleep, and wake refreshed.
Let us consume our hands with the work of redemption,
and may everything we touched be filled with ever lasting grace.
Be still and learn today.
-Brandon The Writer.
20 August 2008
Nothing comes from wanting but doing
I am lucky My parents adopted me in 1973 after being their foster child for 7 yrs. The one problem being in care is: institutionalization. In this type of environment my needs were met but my social skills and self efficacy skills were not nutured. Being disabled I soon realized I was different and no one cared about my sense of self worth. All humans need nuturing and positive re-inforcement while in their pre cognitive learning stages. We should be more active in goal setting and allow children in care to become more self determined to choices.If social services had taught me to ask for things and allowed me to make choices rather then just controlling lives and being the "all knowing" state agency. I believe with no uncertency that I would today be more in control and more empowered to take action in self determining my goals and dreams .So when you r wondering what to do when lost or you just dont know where to turn ,call an agency that may deal with that issue and dont allow them to blow you off ,be persistant and understand you deserve better and if you network enough you will prevail.I'm 49 and still going after my dream of being a recording artist . I plan on pursueing and starting a program for disabled musicians to be seen and heard by studio executives as mandated in the federal disabilities act . We need representation at all levels of Government the larger the group the more people wil change policies.
02 August 2008
Simple Joys
Enter Amanda
It is often the simple joys in life that we take for granted: the sound of music, the laughter of a happy child, the companionship of a loyal pet. It’s certain that no one in a growing circle of family and friends who knows 4-year-old Amanda Ivancevich of Wilmington will take anything in life for granted, ever again.
It is something of a miracle that Amanda is even here to talk about. She suffered an in utero stroke that impacted a great deal of the left side of her brain and some of the right side. The fact that she survived the stroke amazed even her doctors. Amanda was born in June 2004. In December of that year, she was first diagnosed with cerebral palsy and then battled seizures that were diagnosed as a severe form of epilepsy known as infantile spasms. With a grim prognosis regarding her intellectual development, this feisty little girl fought back, learning to speak at 10 months, and continues, despite all odds, to make progress. Medication, diet and other treatments, however, were failing to keep her seizures at bay, and by September 2005, she was struggling with 100 of them every day, effectively bringing her developmental processes to a grinding halt.
Surgery was recommended, and in October 2005, Amanda underwent a left-side hemispherectomy, which essentially removed about half of the left side of her brain and completely disconnected it from the right side. With it went her speech center and 25 percent of her eyesight.
Now, almost three years later, as you watch her struggle into positions, wrestle with language skills and battle with simple balance during an occupational therapy session, you’re aware of the developmental issues that will be a part of her life forever. But you’d never know it by observing her laugh, noting the impish gleam in her eyes or listening to an ear-splitting shriek that she’ll often release at moments of intense enjoyment.
"She can laugh for a half-hour straight," says her mother, Dr. Susan Ivancevich, "to the point where she gives herself hiccups."
It’s there, in those eyes and in that laugh, and in that happy shriek, that you learn the powerful lesson of simple joys in a complicated life.
Enter ELLIE
Amanda has just received a strong helping hand in her life-long developmental struggle. Make that ‘paw,’ because in July, she brought home a golden retriever named ELLIE — her name is always capitalized — who has been training for a little over a year now to become her permanent companion, assisting her in a variety of ways as she grows ... physically, mentally and emotionally. ELLIE will help Amanda walk, retrieve things that she drops and open doors for her, both literally and figuratively.
ELLIE and Amanda are part of a program called paws4people. Specifically, they’re part of an adjunct of that program called paws4prisons, in which dogs are selected for training and then trained by meticulously screened inmates of a correctional facility. ELLIE was trained by an inmate at the Secure Female Facility of the United States Penitentiary, Hazelton in Bruceton Mills, West Virginia. She was one of a handful of dogs chosen to launch the program for the first time at the facility, which had opened its doors in January of 2007 (the prison itself opened in 2004).
While it is tempting to maintain a strong spotlight on Amanda’s story, and the myriad of ways in which ELLIE will be assisting her, it is more of a multi-faceted story than that. There are, of course, other beneficiaries, other recipients, each with their own story of the ways in which the unique skills of these dogs will bring joy, hope and carefully designed assistance into their lives. But there is, too, the added and unanticipated benefit of the joy, hope and assistance they bring to the inmates who have trained them.
"Meeting the inmates changed everything," says paws4people executive director and paws4prison program manager Kyria Henry. "It turned out to be as much for them as for the clients. Meeting them as real people, and recognizing that they received equal benefits from the dogs, changed our minds a lot as far as goals went. Now, it’s about helping the inmates, too. It’s no longer about them just working for us, training the dogs."
"Animal Planet did a series on the Cell Dog program in Washington State," says Terry Henry, chairman and executive director of paws4people (and Kyria’s father), "and they found that the prison where they instituted the program had a zero recidivism rate. We felt if we could get one lady to not go back to prison and get one extra dog trained, it’d be worth the effort."
It was, according to Terry, an eight- or nine-month process, but by May 2007, the prison was ready to start delivering dogs to the program. ELLIE was one of their first and showed something of a propensity to bring out the best in both the inmates training her and the client with whom she was ultimately matched, Amanda Ivancevich.
Before she had even met Amanda, ELLIE bonded in a unique way with one of the inmates, Claudia W. When the dogs first arrived, they all pretty much ignored Claudia. A "prim and proper" sort of person, she did not invite the playful camaraderie that’s at the heart and soul of a human/animal relationship. Claudia maintained a certain distance and expected that the dogs would do likewise, which, for the most part, they did. Except ELLIE. For reasons that are still not clear to Claudia, but clearly appreciated, ELLIE ignored the ‘signals’ and persisted in selecting Claudia for specific and repeated attention.
"I thought there was something wrong with this dog, because she didn’t act normal and avoid contact with me," Claudia W. recalls in a program newsletter. "Her insistence (gave) me something that made me trust in myself again. She gave her love fully, with no expectations."
"The inmates in this facility are there because they’ve made mistakes. Most don’t have the interpersonal skills or background in which they’ve had a lot of love given to them. Most come out of abusive backgrounds," says Terry Henry. "The dogs help them restructure their lives, offering them a sense of self-esteem that comes with the realization that what they’re doing is extremely important to another human being. The program puts an emphasis on their self-esteem and value, which, for some, is the first time in their lives that they feel as if they’re productive, valued, respected human beings. It gives them hope that when they leave the prison, they’ll be able to lead productive lives."
ELLIE exhibited the same sort of behavior she’d demonstrated with Claudia W. when she met Amanda. With a variety of children to choose from, by way of physically approaching and maintaining contact, the golden retriever appeared to single out Amanda and do everything in its power to stay by her during the first visit, which was supposed to assist the training staff in determining which dogs would be suitable for which clients. Between them, ELLIE and Amanda made the choice abundantly clear.
"When they met," writes Susan Ivancevich in a program newsletter entry called A Mother’s Perspective, "there seemed to be an almost supernatural bond between them. ELLIE couldn’t seem to get enough of Amanda and vice versa. ELLIE seemed to bond with every member of our family faster than I ever recall seeing an animal bond with anyone."
There is yet another facet to the story that can be easily overlooked. In addition to the considerable benefits that the match between dog and client bring to dog, client and inmate of the Hazelton prison facility, there is the benefit, as well, that the tale itself offers to those who have experienced it first-hand and those who now, hear of it.
Amanda’s mother, who at one point during the four years of her daughter’s life, took up boxing in order to take some of her frustrations out on a punching bag, looks back these days and reflects not only on the things that are continuing to occur in Amanda’s life, but on the things that having Amanda around has brought to her own life.
"You spend a ton of time in your life worrying about things that never happen," Susan says. "I live very much in the moment now. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. It has to be something pretty big to appear on my radar screen." She turns to her husband, Dan, and smiles. "Ask him. I used to be pretty thin-skinned."
"We’re all going to be better people because there’s an amazing little girl in there," says Susan, looking over at Amanda, seated in a high chair. Amanda has a habit of lowering her head in something of an "Aw shucks" gesture when she knows that attention is drawn in her direction, and does so when Susan turns to her. "The joys of being around her are enormous. It’s fun to see her accomplish things. She has a spirit that’s tougher and sweeter than any of us," she adds. "I wish I could be as positive as she is."
It is often the simple joys in life that we take for granted: the sound of music, the laughter of a happy child, the companionship of a loyal pet. It’s certain that no one in a growing circle of family and friends who knows 4-year-old Amanda Ivancevich of Wilmington will take anything in life for granted, ever again.
It is something of a miracle that Amanda is even here to talk about. She suffered an in utero stroke that impacted a great deal of the left side of her brain and some of the right side. The fact that she survived the stroke amazed even her doctors. Amanda was born in June 2004. In December of that year, she was first diagnosed with cerebral palsy and then battled seizures that were diagnosed as a severe form of epilepsy known as infantile spasms. With a grim prognosis regarding her intellectual development, this feisty little girl fought back, learning to speak at 10 months, and continues, despite all odds, to make progress. Medication, diet and other treatments, however, were failing to keep her seizures at bay, and by September 2005, she was struggling with 100 of them every day, effectively bringing her developmental processes to a grinding halt.
Surgery was recommended, and in October 2005, Amanda underwent a left-side hemispherectomy, which essentially removed about half of the left side of her brain and completely disconnected it from the right side. With it went her speech center and 25 percent of her eyesight.
Now, almost three years later, as you watch her struggle into positions, wrestle with language skills and battle with simple balance during an occupational therapy session, you’re aware of the developmental issues that will be a part of her life forever. But you’d never know it by observing her laugh, noting the impish gleam in her eyes or listening to an ear-splitting shriek that she’ll often release at moments of intense enjoyment.
"She can laugh for a half-hour straight," says her mother, Dr. Susan Ivancevich, "to the point where she gives herself hiccups."
It’s there, in those eyes and in that laugh, and in that happy shriek, that you learn the powerful lesson of simple joys in a complicated life.
Enter ELLIE
Amanda has just received a strong helping hand in her life-long developmental struggle. Make that ‘paw,’ because in July, she brought home a golden retriever named ELLIE — her name is always capitalized — who has been training for a little over a year now to become her permanent companion, assisting her in a variety of ways as she grows ... physically, mentally and emotionally. ELLIE will help Amanda walk, retrieve things that she drops and open doors for her, both literally and figuratively.
ELLIE and Amanda are part of a program called paws4people. Specifically, they’re part of an adjunct of that program called paws4prisons, in which dogs are selected for training and then trained by meticulously screened inmates of a correctional facility. ELLIE was trained by an inmate at the Secure Female Facility of the United States Penitentiary, Hazelton in Bruceton Mills, West Virginia. She was one of a handful of dogs chosen to launch the program for the first time at the facility, which had opened its doors in January of 2007 (the prison itself opened in 2004).
While it is tempting to maintain a strong spotlight on Amanda’s story, and the myriad of ways in which ELLIE will be assisting her, it is more of a multi-faceted story than that. There are, of course, other beneficiaries, other recipients, each with their own story of the ways in which the unique skills of these dogs will bring joy, hope and carefully designed assistance into their lives. But there is, too, the added and unanticipated benefit of the joy, hope and assistance they bring to the inmates who have trained them.
"Meeting the inmates changed everything," says paws4people executive director and paws4prison program manager Kyria Henry. "It turned out to be as much for them as for the clients. Meeting them as real people, and recognizing that they received equal benefits from the dogs, changed our minds a lot as far as goals went. Now, it’s about helping the inmates, too. It’s no longer about them just working for us, training the dogs."
"Animal Planet did a series on the Cell Dog program in Washington State," says Terry Henry, chairman and executive director of paws4people (and Kyria’s father), "and they found that the prison where they instituted the program had a zero recidivism rate. We felt if we could get one lady to not go back to prison and get one extra dog trained, it’d be worth the effort."
It was, according to Terry, an eight- or nine-month process, but by May 2007, the prison was ready to start delivering dogs to the program. ELLIE was one of their first and showed something of a propensity to bring out the best in both the inmates training her and the client with whom she was ultimately matched, Amanda Ivancevich.
Before she had even met Amanda, ELLIE bonded in a unique way with one of the inmates, Claudia W. When the dogs first arrived, they all pretty much ignored Claudia. A "prim and proper" sort of person, she did not invite the playful camaraderie that’s at the heart and soul of a human/animal relationship. Claudia maintained a certain distance and expected that the dogs would do likewise, which, for the most part, they did. Except ELLIE. For reasons that are still not clear to Claudia, but clearly appreciated, ELLIE ignored the ‘signals’ and persisted in selecting Claudia for specific and repeated attention.
"I thought there was something wrong with this dog, because she didn’t act normal and avoid contact with me," Claudia W. recalls in a program newsletter. "Her insistence (gave) me something that made me trust in myself again. She gave her love fully, with no expectations."
"The inmates in this facility are there because they’ve made mistakes. Most don’t have the interpersonal skills or background in which they’ve had a lot of love given to them. Most come out of abusive backgrounds," says Terry Henry. "The dogs help them restructure their lives, offering them a sense of self-esteem that comes with the realization that what they’re doing is extremely important to another human being. The program puts an emphasis on their self-esteem and value, which, for some, is the first time in their lives that they feel as if they’re productive, valued, respected human beings. It gives them hope that when they leave the prison, they’ll be able to lead productive lives."
ELLIE exhibited the same sort of behavior she’d demonstrated with Claudia W. when she met Amanda. With a variety of children to choose from, by way of physically approaching and maintaining contact, the golden retriever appeared to single out Amanda and do everything in its power to stay by her during the first visit, which was supposed to assist the training staff in determining which dogs would be suitable for which clients. Between them, ELLIE and Amanda made the choice abundantly clear.
"When they met," writes Susan Ivancevich in a program newsletter entry called A Mother’s Perspective, "there seemed to be an almost supernatural bond between them. ELLIE couldn’t seem to get enough of Amanda and vice versa. ELLIE seemed to bond with every member of our family faster than I ever recall seeing an animal bond with anyone."
There is yet another facet to the story that can be easily overlooked. In addition to the considerable benefits that the match between dog and client bring to dog, client and inmate of the Hazelton prison facility, there is the benefit, as well, that the tale itself offers to those who have experienced it first-hand and those who now, hear of it.
Amanda’s mother, who at one point during the four years of her daughter’s life, took up boxing in order to take some of her frustrations out on a punching bag, looks back these days and reflects not only on the things that are continuing to occur in Amanda’s life, but on the things that having Amanda around has brought to her own life.
"You spend a ton of time in your life worrying about things that never happen," Susan says. "I live very much in the moment now. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. It has to be something pretty big to appear on my radar screen." She turns to her husband, Dan, and smiles. "Ask him. I used to be pretty thin-skinned."
"We’re all going to be better people because there’s an amazing little girl in there," says Susan, looking over at Amanda, seated in a high chair. Amanda has a habit of lowering her head in something of an "Aw shucks" gesture when she knows that attention is drawn in her direction, and does so when Susan turns to her. "The joys of being around her are enormous. It’s fun to see her accomplish things. She has a spirit that’s tougher and sweeter than any of us," she adds. "I wish I could be as positive as she is."
My Writing
It is now three weeks since I have returned home, and 11 days into the month of June. Where I live, the June gloom has covered the skies until about 1:00 p.m. pretty much every afternoon. I have gotten back into my daily routine, and I have been happily writing. Yesterday afternoon, I started an article that will be published in next months Audacity Magazine and before this article, I had two others published. The two older articles, now, have already been posted. One on Audacity Magazine, online- the other, on ldonline.org I welcome you to read them and comment on here if you like.
From where I came from, I never really thought that this desire of mine would have come true to fruition. As I can remember how difficult writing was for me. I could not write a complete sentence with my dyslexia and learning disability, nor could I punctuate in the correct way grammatically. It was a daily struggle which brought tears to my eyes many a times.
Now, when I write, I am truly, amazed that these words are pouring out from my mind and heart. I give thanks for my ability to write and reach others in the way that I am doing.
A War Against the Enemy
The canopy shines down upon me with it's bright beautiful light, spurring me on with its powder blue sky's to keep on keeping on. Its warm, soft fibres wrap me up in a comfortable, soothing blanket where I have been blessed to have people who care about me, and can guide me, and help me, and lead me to problem solve, and fix this 2 month old frustration and dilemma.
It is indeed a blessing, because I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get this thing working again. I am so connected to writing and sharing, and touching other individuals lives who have Cerebral Palsy, a learning disability, and any other kind of developmental delay; that I do not know what I would do if I couldn't write, connect, or reach out in the way that I do.
Thus, I want to thank all of you for being patient with me as I keep moving forward to make this blog and my site the best you expect it to be. I welcome all your suggestions and kind words, as I continue to fight the good fight and continue to speak up for the rights of people with disabilities and advocate on your behalf!
I will climb the highest mountain, and speak the truths as I see them. It has been well over thirty years since I have started on this path and no one, no where, no how, will stop me from empowering and inspiring and leading the way to real solidarity in the world we live in today. We must forge forward, together, in unison. We must do this by continuing to break down the walls and the berries that separate and divide us. We must keep our chins up, and face our foes head on, and we must continue our battles in a constructive, positive, reaffirming way. We will succeed, and keep succeeding, and conquering, but only if we lend our hands to another.
If you want to wage a war against discrimination, or in any mater- we must all work together in partnership and truly help each other across the board like I was today, and yesterday, from a fellow friend. If we all find it within ourselves to help or lend a helping hand to one another we will all better ourselves.
It is indeed a blessing, because I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get this thing working again. I am so connected to writing and sharing, and touching other individuals lives who have Cerebral Palsy, a learning disability, and any other kind of developmental delay; that I do not know what I would do if I couldn't write, connect, or reach out in the way that I do.
Thus, I want to thank all of you for being patient with me as I keep moving forward to make this blog and my site the best you expect it to be. I welcome all your suggestions and kind words, as I continue to fight the good fight and continue to speak up for the rights of people with disabilities and advocate on your behalf!
I will climb the highest mountain, and speak the truths as I see them. It has been well over thirty years since I have started on this path and no one, no where, no how, will stop me from empowering and inspiring and leading the way to real solidarity in the world we live in today. We must forge forward, together, in unison. We must do this by continuing to break down the walls and the berries that separate and divide us. We must keep our chins up, and face our foes head on, and we must continue our battles in a constructive, positive, reaffirming way. We will succeed, and keep succeeding, and conquering, but only if we lend our hands to another.
If you want to wage a war against discrimination, or in any mater- we must all work together in partnership and truly help each other across the board like I was today, and yesterday, from a fellow friend. If we all find it within ourselves to help or lend a helping hand to one another we will all better ourselves.
01 August 2008
Valuing Who We Are
The days of January 2008 have almost passed us by. The rain has drenched the grown, the snow covers the mountain tops, and the sun tries to shine brightly through the grayish clouds. Pretty soon, it will be Valentine's day where partners send flowers and roses valuing their significant other. Will we stand alone or will we too be valued?
In the Oxford English Dictionary, the definition for the word valued is...the regard that something is held to deserve; importance or worth. Are we and our lives held with value or worth? Do others accept us for who and what we are? Disability, silent or not? Do we accept others and ourselves with the sensitivities we have as being people (with Cerebral Palsy or a learning disability)? Even though, we have C.P., a learning disability, have scoliosis, a developmental delay, arthritis, or whatever our disability may be- WE are still men and women, young and old, of the human race. We still want to be treated respectfully and with care and kind regard.
We want to be treated like those without a disability. We want to reach our highest potential and reach for the stars.
So, let me ask you...you do everything you can to move your life forward? And if you can't is there someone caring for you who can? Are you not only valuing yourselves more, but the one's around you taking steps to give you the worth, regard and importance you to deserve? Do you feel your own worth and confidence?
For the most part, in our hearts of hearts, it matters to us deeply; that others care. It matters how much people around us and in the disabled community understand and value us. It matters that we be treated with value. What ever our disability is, we would like people in our lives, our community, our world, our schools, and in our organizations to treat us like those without a disability.
Instead of competitiveness, let us teach others around us, to turn away from needing or having it all! Teach others how you need help, And show them the light and power of helping those who need help the most. It is not in the material or worldly good that we fine peace and harmony and worth within our every day experience- Instead, it is in the act of giving of our self selflessly and lending advise and a hand to those who need it the most.
In the Oxford English Dictionary, the definition for the word valued is...the regard that something is held to deserve; importance or worth. Are we and our lives held with value or worth? Do others accept us for who and what we are? Disability, silent or not? Do we accept others and ourselves with the sensitivities we have as being people (with Cerebral Palsy or a learning disability)? Even though, we have C.P., a learning disability, have scoliosis, a developmental delay, arthritis, or whatever our disability may be- WE are still men and women, young and old, of the human race. We still want to be treated respectfully and with care and kind regard.
We want to be treated like those without a disability. We want to reach our highest potential and reach for the stars.
So, let me ask you...you do everything you can to move your life forward? And if you can't is there someone caring for you who can? Are you not only valuing yourselves more, but the one's around you taking steps to give you the worth, regard and importance you to deserve? Do you feel your own worth and confidence?
For the most part, in our hearts of hearts, it matters to us deeply; that others care. It matters how much people around us and in the disabled community understand and value us. It matters that we be treated with value. What ever our disability is, we would like people in our lives, our community, our world, our schools, and in our organizations to treat us like those without a disability.
Instead of competitiveness, let us teach others around us, to turn away from needing or having it all! Teach others how you need help, And show them the light and power of helping those who need help the most. It is not in the material or worldly good that we fine peace and harmony and worth within our every day experience- Instead, it is in the act of giving of our self selflessly and lending advise and a hand to those who need it the most.
This Valentines, see what kind word or dead or act you personally can bring to the hearts of those with special needs. See how you feel. See the difference it brings to your spirit. It takes thought and mindfulness, care and consideration. It takes intention to do something positive. It takes a willingness to make a difference in just one person's life. And it take doing ONLY one good dead to bring someone hope and joy!
How can each and every one of us make a contribution to society. How can we bring hope and faith to those who what it, need it, and deserve it the most? How can we make ours and other peoples voices heard? How can we help to move our and those other people’s lives around us forward? How can we bring peace back into our and others lives? It is our basic right- these are the fundamentals of wiping out true discrimination. Help me to make a stand and to make a difference one person at a time! I ask you...
We need to communicate our needs, our wants, and our desires and those achievement that would truly make us happy and fulfilled, while gaining the public's respect and our world to value us as human being such as we are. We must know within our own conscience that we are doing good, that we are making a differences.
People's jealousy
Have you ever been in a situation where you were aware that people were threatened by your actions, words, thoughts, and deeds? How did you react or respond to them? How did their subtle behaviour make you feel? When people or co-worker's did that to me, it made me feel terrible! It made me question myself, and it made me feel very upset because I knew I had no motives but to do my job as accurately as I could,( which was pretty darn good) and, do my best. Perhaps my best was better then their best- so they felt threatened!
Many a times, throughout my lifetime, I have been around people who were completely threatened by me, my giving attitude and nature, and my ability to work hard, be accurate, and to stay truthful, honest, and loyal to the company, as well as get my job done.
I guess my one hand was faster then there's! I guess I did everything with my heart, and they could not handle it. If one is not strong enough to handle jealousy, it can be a big deterrent towards working with others successfully. It requires learning to not let other people’s looks, and behaviour's towards you get to you. And that is a skill all of its own- especially if you are disabled.
We are very sensitive, loving, caring, human beings that do not think about maliciously hurting others while working. We just want to fit in! We want to feel like others! We want to feel as though we have a meaning and purpose in this world, and a place to go to and be constructive. We think more about how we can do our job, and get it done. We are not petty, subtle, and contrived. We do not think of how we can hurt or harm others to get ahead in the process.
Some how, experience after experience, living life the best and the fullest we can, we begin to develop a thick enough layer of skin to not let what others say effect us or our ability to work happily and productively. We learn or try to learn one experience at a time to not let people's jealousy get in the way of our usefulness.
Some times are easier then others... And sometimes, they are very difficult! Sometimes its like taking one step forward and 5 steps back. Sometimes we think we are not learning and growing, yet we are. We just don't see it or recognize it! Its all in the way we look at others, learn to interact with others, and how we choose to deal with other people's emotions.
Many a times, throughout my lifetime, I have been around people who were completely threatened by me, my giving attitude and nature, and my ability to work hard, be accurate, and to stay truthful, honest, and loyal to the company, as well as get my job done.
I guess my one hand was faster then there's! I guess I did everything with my heart, and they could not handle it. If one is not strong enough to handle jealousy, it can be a big deterrent towards working with others successfully. It requires learning to not let other people’s looks, and behaviour's towards you get to you. And that is a skill all of its own- especially if you are disabled.
We are very sensitive, loving, caring, human beings that do not think about maliciously hurting others while working. We just want to fit in! We want to feel like others! We want to feel as though we have a meaning and purpose in this world, and a place to go to and be constructive. We think more about how we can do our job, and get it done. We are not petty, subtle, and contrived. We do not think of how we can hurt or harm others to get ahead in the process.
Some how, experience after experience, living life the best and the fullest we can, we begin to develop a thick enough layer of skin to not let what others say effect us or our ability to work happily and productively. We learn or try to learn one experience at a time to not let people's jealousy get in the way of our usefulness.
Some times are easier then others... And sometimes, they are very difficult! Sometimes its like taking one step forward and 5 steps back. Sometimes we think we are not learning and growing, yet we are. We just don't see it or recognize it! Its all in the way we look at others, learn to interact with others, and how we choose to deal with other people's emotions.
If we all learned to work together, in harmony, and learn to share our feelings constructively, without competition in the for-ground; as our main goal and focus... and learn to support and help each other's in our endeavours, I don't think we would feel the feeling which we do. I think then we could all learn to live together, get along with each other, and get ahead and not be resentful or jealous.
Open to Learn
Ever since I can remember, no matter how difficult the challenge of learning was for me, I went the distance. Despite my Cerebral Palsy and Dyslexia, and despite being able to write my girlfriends last name instead of my own in first grade, I stayed the course. I remember not being able to sleep at night. I remember worrying my little head off, and thinking and staying up all hours of the night tossing and turning. I remember my mother buying me a pink, Zenith, clock radio so that it would help lull me to sleep! Do you think it helped?
Sometimes! But most nights, I wound up turning the dial for another hour or two of classical music instead of falling fast asleep by 7:40p.m. I was up until 10 or 11 at night. I can remember rolling over in bed to and fro, in constant movement and anguish. My mind was never quiet or still. It was always in deep, deep thought. Many a nights I can remember tossing from side to side thinking...How am I ever going to remember this stuff! How am I ever going to remember these words for my spelling test tomorrow...But some how I did. Somehow, I got through maybe it was mind over matter. Maybe I did not realize the power of my word!
And for sure, I did not realize how deeply rooted and seeded my will to succeed was! really never realize the power of my thought. The power of my intension's. Nor, did I realize how determined I really was! All I knew was that some how I was going to make it- Some how I knew I HAD TO MAKE IT!
I was open to listening, to find a better way, and I was open toward a solution to this learning problem I had. I was open to someone who could really help me. I guess because of my open mind, and receptive attitude, it came to pass. And I am so very grateful I did. Because I think...Where would I be today if I was not!
Sometimes! But most nights, I wound up turning the dial for another hour or two of classical music instead of falling fast asleep by 7:40p.m. I was up until 10 or 11 at night. I can remember rolling over in bed to and fro, in constant movement and anguish. My mind was never quiet or still. It was always in deep, deep thought. Many a nights I can remember tossing from side to side thinking...How am I ever going to remember this stuff! How am I ever going to remember these words for my spelling test tomorrow...But some how I did. Somehow, I got through maybe it was mind over matter. Maybe I did not realize the power of my word!
And for sure, I did not realize how deeply rooted and seeded my will to succeed was! really never realize the power of my thought. The power of my intension's. Nor, did I realize how determined I really was! All I knew was that some how I was going to make it- Some how I knew I HAD TO MAKE IT!
Some how, some way, I found myself trying to overcome and compensate for the barriers I faced. I tried to recognize and counter act what was happening to me. I tried to retain, and I tried to make up and neutralize the blocks and barriers I had. All I wanted was to be able to learn like the other children I went to school with; who pick up the material they were learning with ease. I did not want to be made fun of, nor did I want my school work ripped up by bullies.
My learning never came with that ease for me. It was always hard, difficult, and relentless!. It didn't feel like I was, learning a thing but I guess I did. I was always open to a new way of learning and new ways to listen or finding new technique's or method's that would help allow me to learn like others.
I was open to listening, to find a better way, and I was open toward a solution to this learning problem I had. I was open to someone who could really help me. I guess because of my open mind, and receptive attitude, it came to pass. And I am so very grateful I did. Because I think...Where would I be today if I was not!
Being Different and Unique
Having Cerebral Palsy and a learning disability has taught me many lesson's in life. It has taught me to be grateful. It has taught me Patience's, and the capacity to handle delay, trouble, and for the most part not suffer or feel angry or upset at situations or experiences that have occurred in my life.
Yes, I have felt anger at moments. However, I found constructive ways to deal with my anger and disappointments. I learned to grow from these hurts and sadness. I found ways to compensate for my hurt feelings, my hopes, and my non fulfilment's. I found ways to ease that hurt and pain and learned to make and accept the best of it all. I learned to bounce back and go beyond, too!
I learned that all these experience's made me a better person and human being. These experiences taught me to feel very grateful for who I am and what all I have been through and accomplished in my life time. Not to say that it has been easy- because it hasn't! But I have learned to ride the roller-coaster and take the bumps! And, I have learned to count my blessing, give to other's what I have learned, and I have risen above what other people thought of me.
Being different and unique has shown and taught me how beautiful a person I really am. And, it has made me real aware of how unique I am! Being different, and unique, while having Cerebral Palsy is really and truly a gift! These uniqueness have left an indelible mark within my being. It has not only nourished me to be me. But It has nourished me to be the best person I could become, and has made me continually reach for my goals and dreams! It has brought out the kind, compassionate and giving part of me and my nature and made me different than the norm. It has enabled me to fight for whatever I thought was really right in my world, in my thoughts, and idea's and desires. It has made me a better human being in all areas of my life.
No matter what the feelings are, I will continue to be and stay the unique and different person that I am.
Yes, I have felt anger at moments. However, I found constructive ways to deal with my anger and disappointments. I learned to grow from these hurts and sadness. I found ways to compensate for my hurt feelings, my hopes, and my non fulfilment's. I found ways to ease that hurt and pain and learned to make and accept the best of it all. I learned to bounce back and go beyond, too!
I learned that all these experience's made me a better person and human being. These experiences taught me to feel very grateful for who I am and what all I have been through and accomplished in my life time. Not to say that it has been easy- because it hasn't! But I have learned to ride the roller-coaster and take the bumps! And, I have learned to count my blessing, give to other's what I have learned, and I have risen above what other people thought of me.
Being different and unique has shown and taught me how beautiful a person I really am. And, it has made me real aware of how unique I am! Being different, and unique, while having Cerebral Palsy is really and truly a gift! These uniqueness have left an indelible mark within my being. It has not only nourished me to be me. But It has nourished me to be the best person I could become, and has made me continually reach for my goals and dreams! It has brought out the kind, compassionate and giving part of me and my nature and made me different than the norm. It has enabled me to fight for whatever I thought was really right in my world, in my thoughts, and idea's and desires. It has made me a better human being in all areas of my life.
No matter what the feelings are, I will continue to be and stay the unique and different person that I am.
30 July 2008
Accountability
In the last few weeks, since I have written, I have learned much again about people in general and human nature. Once again, I find that this world we live in today, is very selfish. People are only out for their own selfish self, and that it is a dog-eat-dog world. The government does not recognize you. People tend to look the opposite way, or pat you on the head if you are young. If you shake or tremble they think you are drunk. And then there are those, who yes you, to your face, tell you what you want to hear, but never are they really willing to give of themselves and go the distance for you or give you a break, or lend you a kind hand.
I'm here to tell you that there is a hand full of us who have Cerebral Palsy or a learning disability who's paralyzes is very slight or mild. We are the exceptions. We will do anything, and go to ANY lengths to be accountable, responsible, ethical, earnest, and answer up to our actions, need, wants, and desires. We will put ourselves right out their on the line. We will tell people how we feel, we will be honest and truthful, and we will get slapped in the face and rejected because of it! People just don't want to own up or be accountable to US! The norm is just not that way. They want little or nothing to do with us. They want their fee's, but when you ask for yourself... well, they want you to do it for nothing!
I'm here to tell you that there is a hand full of us who have Cerebral Palsy or a learning disability who's paralyzes is very slight or mild. We are the exceptions. We will do anything, and go to ANY lengths to be accountable, responsible, ethical, earnest, and answer up to our actions, need, wants, and desires. We will put ourselves right out their on the line. We will tell people how we feel, we will be honest and truthful, and we will get slapped in the face and rejected because of it! People just don't want to own up or be accountable to US! The norm is just not that way. They want little or nothing to do with us. They want their fee's, but when you ask for yourself... well, they want you to do it for nothing!
For those of us like myself, how are we, then, suppose to make it in society? How are we truly suppose to support ourselves? How are we to get along in a world when we won't be treated as an equal? I ask you? It's getting worse and worse out there. The economy is not getting ANY better, politicians are out for their own political agenda. And, if the government doesn't care, and they keep cutting our benefits, as well as our yearly Social Security cost of living increases. By their actions, they are telling us with disabilities, that we are not important or mean anything to society. They don't care enough to recognize us, our talent, or our abilities, and they frown upon anyone who does...how is it then, that they are really giving us a so called chance. Where is the real compassion to be accountable to help those who are desperately trying to help themselves.
We try so hard to do everything possible to walk, beyond what we've known to make a new and better life for ourselves, and, yet, repeatedly, we are hit down with a sledge hammer to keep us in the same place and predicament we have known from the get go.
All I know is that I am getting a very thick coat and armour, I also know that I personally would give my right, good, arm to help someone who needed it; weather they had the money or not. I would help them feel worthy and have the self-confidence and worth in their heart and soul of succeeding.
I must be honest with all of you when I say this really hurts and breaks my heart
Self-Determination
Ever since I can remember, I have always been self-determined. It has been a contributing partnership in my life from the very early days of my being. Where did it come from? I could not tell you- but I knew it has been all powerful, and has always been there for me. I guess you could call it an instinct, a sixth sense- It was always by my side. It has walked hand and hand with me in every situation in my life, and everything I have gone through.
It has been like a trusted servant, or a very good friend, guiding, guarding and lighting my way. It was always there when I needed to call on it; especially when I came to major turning points in my life, and I needed guidance, answers, and protection.
I somehow knew I could turn to it, and rely upon it. It never turned me away, nor did it steer me wrong! It was always there, right in the pit of my gut, right near my heart. And the times I did not listen, it made me see and become that much more aware of just how important it was to do so. I could turn to it in a split second. When I needed it the most.
I would listen very carefully to its quiet, gentle voice. And I would listen to what it was telling me to do or what road to follow. If I was patient enough, and willing enough to go through the feelings and the emotions, I would always get the answer's I was looking for or needed.
It has been like a trusted servant, or a very good friend, guiding, guarding and lighting my way. It was always there when I needed to call on it; especially when I came to major turning points in my life, and I needed guidance, answers, and protection.
I somehow knew I could turn to it, and rely upon it. It never turned me away, nor did it steer me wrong! It was always there, right in the pit of my gut, right near my heart. And the times I did not listen, it made me see and become that much more aware of just how important it was to do so. I could turn to it in a split second. When I needed it the most.
I would listen very carefully to its quiet, gentle voice. And I would listen to what it was telling me to do or what road to follow. If I was patient enough, and willing enough to go through the feelings and the emotions, I would always get the answer's I was looking for or needed.
When experts or individuals told me... ahhhh sweetheart, you know that this task is too difficult for you;... or, you know you have trouble learning... I would proved them wrong. I would literally take matters into my own hands without verbally speaking or saying a word to anyone. Them telling me I could not do something would fire me up inside, made me angry, and thus, gave me the motivation I needed to prove them wrong.
These were some of my most intuitive moments. I seemed to be able to hear what they were saying, tune them out, know that, that was their opinion, and intuitively knew that they were wrong in the pit of my gut. Somehow I was able to work these feelings and emotions out, released the negative impact these words, phrases, and tapes had upon me, and turn them around to become a positive and all powerful force within myself. I would become steadfast in my thinking, and affirm what I wanted to change within myself and who I wanted to become. Thus, believing in myself when no one else did, and acting on those beliefs within myself, ultimately transformed my life.
I am so very grateful to myself, because who knows what kind of person I would have become, if I did not listen or allow myself to be the unique individual that I am.
Normal - So what is normal
Normal- conforming to a norm, standard, regular, a normal temperature. ( psychol.) Conforming to the standard or average for a particular type or group (loosely) mentally or emotionally sound. (math)Says the New Webster's Dictionary and Thesaurus.
So what is Normal to you?
So what is Normal to you?
Being normal to me, is being able to accept myself as I am in totality. It is being able to accept myself as our maker has made me- including all the trails, challenges, and joys of my life. Seen and unseen; It is being able to accept what happened to me when I was only 5 months old. And, it is being able to see the whole of me despite what others may think. Which really is none of my business at all!
My business is to continue to carry on- it is to continue to be the best person I can be no matter what. Normal to me, is learning about myself, and reaching beyond in all area's of my life- mentally, physically, and spiritually- It is truly being able to see how my maker wanted me, to rise above these challenges, that have not only confronted my spirit, but have shown me who I am, even with my Cerebral Palsy, and a learning disability, and what I could become, achieve, contribute to the world, and rise above...
Being normal could also be what we think others want us to be. That we don't fit in or act or speak, or dress a certain way. Normal to one person is not normal to another, as we all see things in our lives, in a different perspective and light. We all have thoughts, and feelings, and issues, that we deal with on all different levels. However, if we could not lay labels, barriers, and stigmas on others human beings, to make them feel ugly, inferior, or desperate inside, because of our own belief system, or what society make us to believe- we would find out that we are ALL normal
Everyone is different and unique in their own birthright. You can see some disabilities while not others. Who is it then, for us to judge another person, or say what is normal
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