Paralympic Games

This past weekend I had a chance to watch the paralympic games for the first time in my life. It was amazing for me to watch these athletes. They moved with such grace and determination. Such dignity, confidence and respect for themselves. With and without prostheses. In wheelchair and without. All with one goal in mind, to accomplish the unaccomplishable! To prove to themselves first, and to the world second, that they could stand up before the world and shine with glory! To show the world that they were no different-
There is so much we as disable people can do. But we need the world to soften. We need the world to accept us more. we need the world to look at us the same way we look at ourselves- And, most importantly we need to be given chances and opportunities-
We need the world to not look at us with pity, disgrace, or contempt- or as though we are leopards, in a leopards colony. We need society to respect us- we need society to allow us to try and to pick ourselves up and try, try again. And, we need the gift and blessing of the world to help us climb every mountain and to help us reach every dream!

Feeling fed up with my CP today

I dont normally moan, but i just dropped my dinner cos my wrist gave way while i was carrying it - the dogs had chicken pasta salad for dinner!

I Had a bad fall a few weeks ago and hurt my back, its so bad now its making me unhappy and often cross with frustration.

Had a run in with my sister last weekend - i spoke to Susie about it and would be interested in your thoughts. After struggling up the stairs of my friends house where she is staying i couldnt make the landing step. She had a massive go at me about giving up and ending up in a wheelchair. When i went to sit down to do it on my bum, she grabbed my arm and said "no you don't do it with dignity" I was, and still am, crushed. That coming from my own sister broke my heart. The more i think about it, the more i am starting to realise that that probably meant that she was embarrassed to see me on the floor.

I read tracy's blog about her pregnancy - tracy if u read this i would love to talk to you babe - u are so strong!

Love to you all

Interview with Author Brandon Ryan

I recently had the chance to interview the Author of The Emotional Struggle recently, and I knew it was going to be an interesting interview in terms of both Brandon and I have similar disabilities and I was intrigued to find out just where he gets his inspiration from to write the profound things he does and below is what we talked about:

Hello Brandon, its nice in meet you and a honour for me to interview you about your emotional struggle I understand you were born with Cerebral Palsy and I know that can effect people in different ways, did you ever feel different to your classmates when you were growing up ?

Brandon yes I did. Its tough when your confide to a wheel chair, watching others run and play and jump. Sometimes you have an entire table to yourself. And kids smile at you, but don't come and sit by you. Please understand that I am not trying to hand anyone a sob story, but rather expose them to life beyond them to life through another's eyes and get them to look at their own lives and struggles.

If so how did you deal with that?

Brandon Honestly, when your young. all you can do is mask the hurt. sure you can do other things. but it does not compare to being able to interact with others your age. and even so in today's world, not having a disability can be hard.

How did /does your parents and family live with your disability ?

Brandon They motivate me to give my all in what I do, they do the best they can everyday to care for me and love me. I oh them a lot, but never will be able to re-pay them.

If you had chance to change your life would you change anything ?

Brandon No, what I went through both past and present has made me who I am today. My life is my life. We all get dealt a certain hand of cards in life. and we can either do what we can with them or we can lay day and die. the choice is ours everyday. When did you realise that you could achieve things? Thats a hard question... As far as myself believing I could achieve anything. It wasn't really towards the end of my school years. When I met my friend Garret, he really showed me what it was like to care for another human being. He loved me without condition, and I believe when a person has this. Something changes inside the soul, not sure exactly what. But it happens. The world is a huge place and it can make one feel small and insignificant. Its hard for people in our generation, everyone feels the need to fit a certain mold or image and when that happens they can achieve anything. And that is not true, never has been and it never will be. The ability to achieve things comes from within yourself, and what this happens. We find truth. We then find out what were made of.

When did you first start writing and what was the first thing your wrote about?

Brandon I started writing my senior year of High School. My english teacher, Mr. Kritina introduced me to poetry and writing and expressing what was inside me. At that time I had a lot of despair and pain inside me that I was not sure what to do with me you know? So the paper was there, I grabbed a pen and started writing everything down that was inside. Good or bad Mr. Kritina believed in me and saw something in me that really saved my life.

Does the books you read inspire you to write or do you get inspiration from another source?

Brandon Yes and Yes. Many of the authors I read today inspire me. They teach me how to be a better writer. I have much respect for Patty Kirk who just released her first book called "Confessions of a Amateur Believer". She writes with such beauty. And other sources of inspiration come from music, music feeds certain moods that mike my chapters and blogs come out the way they do.

What made you write a book?

Brandon My mom, HAHAHA! She bugged me about it until one day I was like "Okay, here goes!" Also... You know I really felt like there was not enough being done for some people today who don't feel like life is worth living. I mean, I don't have the answers for everyones pain. But I would like to think that everyone has a voice, and if we don't use it are lives are meaningless you know? Even if my story is not sold in most bookstores is traveled throughout the world. And I believe with all my heart, that The Emotional Struggle is a book that people will keep finding out about for years to come.

Do you have plans for another book?

Brandon Yes I do, that is a question that is asked pretty much everyday. I know a lot of people think my first book is great, but I'm striving for better. More bold, honest, beautiful and poetic. Who knows, maybe the next book will be on a major publishing label and maybe even come out in the next year and a half. (smiles)

What does your family think of your book?

Brandon They love it, although my Mom has not read it yet. She'll need a big box of clean-exes to read it on her own. HAHA

Is writing your ideal profession?

Brandon Actually yes, I love it. For me its a way to release my soul to a world that needs great books. In honesty, if and when I meet a special women and get married. I want the books that I write to be something that my kids could look at and read as a way for me to teach them to live great lives. And the money has been good, that helps!

If you where given a word say “inspiration “ you be able to write something?

Brandon write of the top of my head? No, I'd need to reflect and ponder. Inspiration is a word that everyone uses. And for me, I want to write fresh words for all who are willing to listen.

What does having cerebral palsy mean to you?

Brandon HAHA, I have never been asked that before. But I guess that there is a first time for everything. CP is something that people can't control, of course I didn't ask to have this condition. But my parents believe that if I didn't have CP they would have to bail me out of jail or something... Being that I am very well skilled in Martial Arts, I'd be the hero and save people who got picked on by others. But this is what I was given, and God has really gave me a sense that he has been with me since the very start of time and he held me together when I seem the most broken. So, I'm afraid I don't have a clear answer for your question. I just know that this is the life I was given, and each day is a gift and life is stronger than death, and life is not life is not limited by condition.

Well Brandon, I would like to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to take part in this interview and I would like to wish you all the best in the future.

Across the Miles

Since I last wrote, I have crossed the ocean and flew over three thousand miles to address the Historical Society at Kean University, as well as advocate in a friends defense. I took a beautiful, scenic train ride up to Massachusetts, where the vistas captured a quiet peace within myself. It labelled me into a place of tranquility where no one could disturb me or my oneness.

I was away from home for three weeks, and while in New Jersey, I received an email asking me to come back to Kean University next year to speak to an even bigger audience of individuals and professionals How sweet the sound...

Thus, I go from here to inspire and empower, and to reach more of all of you...

Until next time

Dignity & Respect

I keep getting Google blog alerts on Learning Disabilities, and I cannot help but think about the honest dignity and respect we truly get as a person or person(s) with a physical disability or a learning disability.

In my opinion, there is truly very little dignity or respect given us! It is condescending and makes one feel less than good about themselves- as they pat you on the head, and throw you a bone, as you are pushed though the system for there benefit. Never once, in my entire life, have I received anything positive or constructive from the social system that I live in. I have had to fight for myself each and every step of the way- and still am today!

I have been pushed and shoved and prodded into programs and workshops which were really beneath my level to succeed as a normal person in society. I have been looked down upon and scrutinized and labelled mentally retarded each and every time I had an educational desire or goal I wanted to accomplish.

I believe, that true dignity and respect is when others truly try to help you more forward in your life or situation. They not only help by guiding you, but they encourage you, and they believe in you! They show you the way and the ropes to attain those desires before it's too late or before you are middle age or your life is half over!

They advise and inspire you to keep reaching towards your star's. And they empower your soul by bringing you hope in your heart. They give you a reason and purpose to keep carrying on. They believe in you too, by their warmth and care as they root you on with encouragement each and every step of the way. They motivate you in ways that work for you. Not in ways that work best for them!

Instead of nurturing you and your development and abilities, they negatively tell you that you have pipe dreams. They don't have the insight or the compassion that it takes to either stir you on, or to fortify you with positive affirmations to help you attain another accomplishments in your life. Instead, they reticule you in ways that you question yourself and your motives and abilities. One begins to doubt themselves and wonder if they are being honest and true. Their believe in themselves begins to fade away and they begin to sip on the non-truths the system is feeding them.

This system, is not a system of empowerment It is a system of beating you down, till you cannot rise up from the hole anymore! How shameful! How heinous a crime to be beaten down for someone else's power and greed, so you have little power or say so over your own life and destiny. How deplorable, despicable, and low-down is that? No matter what you say and try to do to defend yourself makes matters even worse!

And that is why I have tirelessly fought my whole, entire life- and still fight for today! It's that simple dignity and respect that I too can live, and move, and breathe, like everyone else here on this plant. I am not a monster to be stared at- or to be looked down upon, just because I unfortunately had brain damage and got Cerebral Palsy when I was an infant! We who have disabilities want to partake in this simple thing called life, too! It does not matter what degree we can, just as long as we can and we can have a say-so in our own lives!

This being said, I am convinced that those who have C.P. like myself, with a learning disability, who really, truly want to go out into the world and be like every one else in society- making a living for themselves- putting food on the table for themselves, and working with joy amongst others, to put their own clothing on their own backs, as they make their own decisions and choice's, and pay their way throughout life, just like any other normal human being for their own wants, and, for their own needs and desires- and with their own income; making choices for themselves without government paid programs or watch dog's watching their every move. We are frowned and looked down at- and we underhandedly are looked at like we are criminals!

We, like this, want to be dependent on ourselves- not others! We want to live normal healthy lives, and co-existence- living in peace and harmony just like everyone else. We are simply not given the help, the chance, or the opportunity- nor are we given the precious right of dignity and respect to do just that!!!! Oh how I would like to see more dignity and respect for all us people with Cerebral Palsy and a learning disability or any disability for that matter.

We must be there for each other! Perhaps if each and every one of us reading this would stand up for themselves, we could change the way people and the world, and the way these professionals treat us and look at us!

Scrutinized

In my life-time I have been under heavy scrutinizing because I chose to live my life on my own teams. I chose to live my life as a Normal person who has feelings, wants, needs, and desires

I have talked up for myself, been faithful to myself, and, I have been determined to be treated with dignity and respect! When employers, co-workers, organizations, or individual's rewarded those around me who were talking down, behind, and around my back, or taking credit or advantage, of a current situation for something I did. I was also wrongly scolded for being dressed inappropriately for teaching a fitness class, while being hired as a fitness instructor, too.

In each of these situations, I spoke up for myself and stood my ground. I never sold myself short. I lived by a standard of truth, honesty, integrity, and doing my job to the best of my ability and then some. I went above and beyond in all my duties, and gave a 120 % with all the goodness in my heart

Today, I know differently

And, because of this, I have been able to rise above it all. I have been accountable and responsible for all my actions and conducts. I have accomplished goals in my life, step by step that other's may have looked disapprovingly of. Because of my motivation and willingness to succeed in every area of my life, I have been insulted, scorned, made fun of, studied, and criticized to the hilt. I have been examined, and looked down upon, and grudgingly made to feel small. Moreover, I have been looked at very closely and thoroughly with peering eyes. And still, I have been looked at with such discuss, objection, and in such a hypocritical, disconcerting kind of way, that it truly hurt.

These people found careful and meticulous ways to get rid of me. They found ways for me to be the bad girl These individuals called my left arm a wing and mimic my limp and how I walk!

Why! Well, I don't really know- But these high ranking bosses were from a host of well known organizations that are still around and in existence today. These are people who call themselves professionals, who also call themselves compassionate- they thought they knew more or new better than me. Unfortunately, these professionals in the disable field, employers, psychologist, and doctor's are way too many.. Actually to think about now, bother me, or hurt me anymore in my life, because I have moved on and away from the hurt, pain, and residue. I have healed and truly want to let go of these memories that have shaped my life. I want to help others, instead, to work thought their own- by what I have experienced in mine.

These so called professionals have wanted to probe my physical well being, and make sure I was emotionally stable- They have investigated and inquired into my life in ways that made me feel humiliated, judged, less than normal, scared, nervous, hopeless, and even helpless at times, but I was like a Trojan horse ready to surpass attack. I kept carrying on despite them, in an honest, triumphant, and truthful way.

Instead of making an individual comfortable within their own being, and rewarding them for their conscientiousness and integrity, they made me feel like I was on trial, or was a criminal who had committed the worst kind of crime!

Why, you may be asking yourself? Because I worked my hardest with the abilities I had before me I worked to accomplish my duty's all the time. I worked with an accuracy and a perfection, and I always came into work happy, with a kind word, and a smile on my face looking forward to each and every day. I never let my Cerebral Palsy or learning disability get in my way. I worked to over-come them, as I worked to be like the norm, and I did what was asked of me no matter what.

Most the times, though, my work was better. It was better than a person without a disability! I never worked to compete with others. I worked to accept and be in harmony with those around me, however, they could not, see it! I wanted so desperately wanted to fit in, I wanted them to accept me for me, the hard work I completed and performed, and as an equal, individual wanting to work in the work place as a team player, a leader with a balance. An individual with the same qualities as everyone around me. I wanted to be equal to, or have the same kind of equivalents as them all.

But I know differently now! I know what this world is like. I have dealt with people, and have had many experiences to make me strong, which alert me to these acts of in-humanity. I have been introduced and made aware of- and have lived in a world where people have this ruthless way about then, where they must be better than the next guy, desiring more success, greed, power, and control.

These people could not, nor were they willing to, so they hurt me and belittled me in the process. They did everything they could with-in their power to make me believe contrary to the truth at hand. But I grew up, and I saw beyond the truth, and, their conniving ways. They tried to put me down, and pull the wool over my eyes, in ways that were de-humanizing! In the long term I rose above them all! And I am grateful for these lessons. I am indebted to them as I came out the winner, Maybe not financially, But morally, I did indeed!

These people have been very threaten of me, and the way I conducted myself. They were intimidated, and afraid that I could do better or go farther and, you know what- I did! I really did! Perhaps I did do a better job- perhaps, better with one hand, then they could with two!

But with all judgment aside, and all do respect, these professional in these communities were indeed threaten of me. They were frighten of, or overawe as a hostel individual or human being of what I said, stood for, or was trying to do in my job, life, as an honest, free of deceit, whole-hearted manner.

Thus, I have set my own bar of excellence. And, I have continued to raise it. Yes, I may not have held a full time career like the norm, but I have lived my life by my own standards of truth, and honesty. I have had the soundness of thought and mind to live my life in a mindful and whole way, with internal consistency, and lack of corruption.

I have lived my life today never doubting myself, my abilities, my good character, my principles, or by selling myself short in a deceitful, conniving way.

Thus, in closing, I will continue to live my life in a trustworthy, dignified, truthful, sincere way, and to be a light and an example for others to emulate.

What Can I Do

This morning I received a Google alert on learning disabilities, and, oh how I wanted to participate and get involved, and work with these people and share with them what I know to enlighten them. However, the position was in England I believed. It was being part of a council and having a voice for all people with LD to make legal changes in our system, and laws, and to help individuals with learning disabilities.

If people would learn to take our word seriously, that would be such a blessing! Not only for all the millions and millions of individuals, but to get real, honest feedback from people who have paid the price mentally, emotionally, or physically, instead of thoughts who have never experienced having a challenge like this at all.

This would be a sincere humbling; if organizations, companies, our government, legislation, and leaders would take a positive step forward to hear our voices and put us on committee's and councils to change the way things are now... It would be a gift to all society and man kind if we were heard and truly listened to.

It would be even sweeter if we were compensated financially for our knowledge and really taken seriously. I personally would fight the good fight to bring all kinds of change to make a huge difference and impact for others as I have done for myself First I would stop categorizing us with people of down syndrome, mental retardation, ADD and so forth. I would also find a much better word to describe us. I would not use degrading, heart-wrenching titles; and labels such as: developmentally delayed or disabled.

I would do all I could to first de-signify people who never chose to be disabled in the first place, or to be labeled. I would start by finding real human ways and approaches to treating us with dignity and respect.

Cerebral Palsy hits the headlines coping with a disabled child

Yesterday I was moved by a feature on This Morning with Philip and Fern, they carried out a very moving feature of what it has been like for a mother who's daughter had cerebral palsy and the long hard journey and decisions that she made

When Julia Hollander's second daughter, Imogen, was born with cerebral palsy, she believed that it was her destiny to look after her.However, within a few months, the stresses of looking after a baby that was in constant pain, wouldn't feed and never slept proved to be more than she was capable of handling.When Imogen was five months old she was taken to see a neurology consultant. Scans revealed blackness on the brain where her cerebral cortex should have been, this meant that her cognitive powers had been destroyed during the traumatic birth; the prognosis was that she would never walk or talk.

The news hit Julia hard and two days before Imogen was due to come home from the hospital she stopped going to see her. Julia had done vast amounts of research on how to care for Imogen this research unearthed the truth that they could simply not afford to give her the care and attention that she deserved. This lead Julia to take the controversial decision to have Imogen fostered.Imogen was taken to live with Tania, a foster carer who has been looking after profoundly disabled children for ten years. Julia explained: "Tania had a dignity and strength that made me trust her completely. I did not feel humiliated in the way I had expected. I could understand that caring for a severely brain damaged child was something she chose to do.”Julia is very much a part of Imogen's life (she will be six in July) and she visits every couple of weeks. "I want Imogen to gain all that she can from her birth family. But I know that Tania's is her first home. The ties are still loosening. When I talk about Tania, I call her Immie's 'foster mum' rather than 'foster carer'. Sometimes I think of myself not as Immie's mother at all. I could simply be the means by which Tania's child came into the world.

"When the Bough Breaks – A Mothers Story by Julia Hollander

After watching this it got me thinking about how it must of been for my Mum Dad and family when I was diagnosed. Mum said I know what she means that there was no help early on, when you were born I don't think there was a lot known about cerebral palsy 33 years ago, compare to what is known now, so we just muddled on because we didn't know anything else.

The way I see foster parents is more of an extented family and Julia shouldn't feel judged in anyway, because at the end of the day she has done the best she could for her daugter and that is all we need to do in this life is our best. In Julia's story see says "Tania had a dignity and strength that made me trust her completely. I did not feel humiliated in the way I had expected. " but Julia had the strength and dignity to do what she did and as I believe there is a reason for everything in life and life is for living and that is what Julia is doing, giving Tania the best chance.


Cam: This is Ivan

DOTING dad David Cameron was seen for the first time by voters last night playing with his disabled son. The Tory leader was filmed feeding Ivan, five — who has a rare form of cerebral palsy. A TV crew was allowed in as the family had breakfast at home. Mr Cameron’s daughter Nancy, four, and son Arthur, two, sat on either side of him.

He admitted the move would spark accusations he was exploiting his kids for political gain. But he insisted he was a family man with nothing to hide. He said: “You have to do what you are comfortable with. If you are trying to produce policies, people want to know about you — what makes you tick, your life.

“That’s natural. Politicians can sometimes look a bit apart from everyone else.”
Mr Cameron was seen offering his children a choice of Shreddies or Cheerios cereal on ITV News. Wife Samantha helped serve breakfast wearing jeans, red flat pumps and a trendy red top. Viewers got a glimpse of their smart kitchen and lounge in Notting Hill, West London.
Ivan’s condition became known days after he was born — and he needs 24-hour care.

Mr Cameron has told Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs: “We noticed he was having these very strange movements — sudden jerky movements. “Initially we were told he was fine. Then we went to hospital and were told he had a very rare condition, a combination of epilepsy and cerebral palsy.”

PM Gordon Brown has rarely been seen with his own children John, four, and Fraser, 20 months — who suffers from cystic fibrosis. He and wife Sarah have decided never to talk about his condition. But he once opened his heart to Sky News about the death of his premature baby daughter Jennifer Jane.

Mr Cameron let in the cameras as he prepared to unveil new flexible parental leave laws tomorrow. A Tory government would give all new parents a year of time off to share, he will say.
Mums and dads will be able to take six months together or split it between them. The first 14 weeks after birth would automatically go to the mum. Tories vowed the move would not cost employers or the state more than current rules — where parents must take leave one after the other. Mr Cameron said: “I want to make this country more family friendly.

“We’re not going to solve the problems of obesity, drugs, alcohol or educational underperformance unless we help families to do their great work.” Shadow Chancellor George Osborne last night praised his boss over the film. On the BBC’s Question Time he said: “There is massive public interest in the leader of the Opposition.”